Heath Lambert: Every year, ACBC hosts an annual conference on the topic of biblical counseling as it relates to some pressing issue. This year is our 40th anniversary and we wanted our annual conference to be about the key theological themes that have undergirded the biblical counseling movement for its entire existence. One of the things that we’re doing this year is hosting a pre-conference with our ministry partners 9Marks. They are equally as committed to the truth as we are and they’re also committed, as are we, to having that truth lived out in the context of the local church. We want you to join us at this pre-conference and this annual conference on October 3rd, 4th, and 5th in Indianapolis, Indiana and I want to encourage you to register for that event. We’re taking the opportunity on the podcast to focus on those themes of a life lived in the context of the local church. Our topic this week is how to confront a friend about their sin. We all, of course, if we go to church, we go to churches with sinful people in them, and we are going to notice sinful people doing sinful things. And we want to talk today about how to handle that when we see it.
[Speaker]: So before we talk about how to confront a friend about their sin, we need to talk about if we should confront someone about their sin. How would a person know if it is his or her job to confront another person?
Heath Lambert: Yeah, the reason this is such an important issue to address before we get to the question of how is because I have had so many conversations with Christian people over the years who operate under the assumption that it is none of their business to address sin in the life of a brother or sister in Christ. They think it’s their business, it’s not mine. I don’t have any authority to speak into their life. Sometimes they’re very honest and they say, “I’m scared. I don’t want to do that.” So you’re exactly right. The issue of whether we should do it has to precede the question of how to do it. I would just point to two texts here, one of those texts is in Luke 17:3 and Jesus says, “be on your guard, if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” Jesus is saying to his disciples that if you see someone in a sin, if you observe sin in your brother’s life, then you need to rebuke him for the sin. You need to confront him about that. So this is Jesus informing us about our approach to witnessing sin in the lives of those we love and he tells us we have to confront it. We have to rebuke it. Another text is in Galatians 6:1-3, the Apostle Paul says, “Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Each one looking to yourself so that you too will not be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he’s something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” So this is the Apostle Paul saying to spiritual people—that is people that are walking in the spirit as he just talked about in Galatians 5—if you notice transgression in the life of your brother or sister, you have a responsibility to work to point that out to them. So Jesus and the Apostle Paul do not give us any quarter on this, even when we’re scared, even when we don’t know what to do. Jesus and the Apostle Paul in the pages of Scripture are compelling our obedience, we do have a responsibility to point out the sin of someone when we see it in their life. One of the things that helps us here is that this is ultimately a loving act. We don’t want to see someone we love persisting in a sin that would lead to their destruction and so we follow Jesus, we follow Paul, we follow the Bible, and we confront the sin we see it.
[Speaker]: So then I think the question is, how should one do this?
Heath Lambert: There is a lot to say in response to that question. I think, just to make a response manageable in the context of this podcast I’d just stick with where we were and Galatians 6. I would point out three things that are right there to tell us how to do it. The Apostle Paul does not just tell us that we should restore someone who’s caught in a trespass, but he gives several really practical instructions about how to do it. I think there are three truths in Galatians 6 that characterize how we should engage this sinner when we observe it happening.
First, we need to confront people gently. He says, “If anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness.” What the Apostle Paul is doing here, is he’s saying before you rebuke someone you need to take time to figure out how to do that gently. The word rebuke can sound harsh to people. It can sound like something that’s mean and in your face, but that’s not a biblical conception of rebuke. There are sometimes when a biblical rebuke is firm, but here the Apostle Paul doesn’t let us off the hook, but says, you’ve got to figure out how to be gentle. So you think about a passage like Proverbs 15:1, which says, “a gentle answer turns away wrath.” That has just as much relevance to this text as any other passage would. So we would certainly want to speak in a gentle way. Another idea we might have in mind as we think about being gentle is in 1 Thessalonians 5:14. It says, “we urge you, brethren, rebuke the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” The text says in each of those engagements, whether the person is unruly, whether they are faint-hearted, or whether they are weak, we need to be patient with them. And so, even when somebody is caught in a trespass when they’re caught in a transgression, we are not allowed to be impatient. We’re not allowed to be exposing a lack of gentleness in our own spirit. We want to take time to think through how can I confront them in a way that is gentle.
The second characteristic of our rebuke is that we should rebuke them humbly. [The Apostle Paul] says, “if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, each one looking to yourself, so that you will not be tempted.” He is saying that there is something dangerous about the act of rebuking somebody for their sin. The spiritual danger is that you could slip into the same sin yourself. Why? I think it’s because of the other biblical truth, let any man who thinks he stands take heed, lest he fall. You have to be very careful that you do not speak to someone who is caught in a trespass from a standpoint of spiritual superiority as if because you’re not struggling with that sin, that you are somehow better than they are. Or you are somehow immune from falling into that yourself. And so the Apostle Paul warns, when you restore this person, you be humble. You could be tempted by this as well and so look to yourself and be careful.
Here’s the third thing in Galatians 6; we need to rebuke sacrificially. In verse 2, it says, “bear one another’s burdens and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” It is not an accident that this instruction comes right on the heels of how to give a rebuke that is both gentle and humble. What Paul is doing here, is he’s saying you are not allowed as a Christian to get in somebody’s face to rebuke them, ever how gently, ever how humbly, and then leave them with those words like their life doesn’t have anything to do with you. James will rebuke the lifeless faith that isn’t concerned about the practical needs of somebody. So here, the Apostle Paul is saying if you’re going to rebuke somebody, you need to do a gently, you need to do that humbly but you also need to be willing to roll up your sleeves, get into their life, serve them, and walk with them as they proceeded down a path towards change.
