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The Goal of Counseling is the Goal of Life

We glorify God by becoming more like Jesus towards others. This is the goal of life, and of counseling. 

May 7, 2020

In my ACBC biblical counseling certification process, my supervisor taught me to always remind counselees that the goal of counseling is not a restored relationship, a fulfilling marriage, or a victorious life over anxiety, depression, and/or anger. Those are all good goals, indeed very good goals, but not the central goal. The goal of counseling is for the counselee to glorify God by becoming more like Jesus Christ.  

The goal of counseling is for the counselee to glorify God by becoming more like Jesus Christ. Click To Tweet

Really? That’s it? Yes. In fact, this fits with the goal of all of life: So, whether you eat or drink, do all to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). In counseling, we are simply directing this goal to particular areas of this life. In fact, we view problems and struggles as opportunities to fulfill this! 

Before we move on, the question comes up, how do we glorify God? Two passages, among others, sum it up nicely: 

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.This is the great and first commandment.And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40)  

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:1-2)  

To put it simply, we glorify God by becoming more like Jesus towards others. This is the goal of life, and the goal of counseling. Every circumstance of life and every word of counseling is designed to build towards this end (Romans 8:28-29; Ephesians 4:15-16). 

At first glance, this goal sounds constricting, impractical, and superficial. However, I want to show that it is the exact opposite. 

Not Constricting, but Liberating 

One of the difficult parts of marriage counseling is the “he said, she said” dance. The husband said the wife is nagging; the wife said the husband is lazy; one is lying or stretching the truth according to the other. Needless to say, this can make a counselor’s head spin. 

But what if you could be liberated from that whole song and dance? There is a way: keep your eyes and their eyes on the goal, which is  to glorify God by becoming more like Christ. If that is the goal, you can simply say to the husband, “Ok, so your wife nags. How does God call you to respond to that? Answer: You be like Christ to her.” To the wife: “Your husband is lazy, how does God call you to respond? Answer: By being like Christ to him.” How that actually looks is a whole series of blog posts (or sermons, counseling sessions, books, etc.). The point is that focusing on their becoming more like Christ liberates you from the headache of sifting through these details. Also, as we will see below, Christlikeness is what will resolve these issues in the first place. 

This truth liberates not only counselees, it liberates every Christian. Christian, when someone criticizes you for a character flaw, you are liberated from trying to prove your accuser wrong. Rejoice! For those accusations are tools to make you more like Christ (James 1:2-4; 1 Peter 1:6-7). You never know, your accuser may be right! Ihe is wrong, you now have the opportunity to find out ways that you can bless your accuser 

Not Impractical, but Sufficient  

Counseling can be intimidating because people come with decades-old destructive habits and patternsTo come to such a person and say, “Our goal is to help you glorify God by helping you become more like Christ” initially sounds off-putting. “Is that it? Isn’t that just spiritual stuff? I have real problems!” Well guess what, every problem in your life is because you are not like Jesus (in the area you are concerned about) 

Jesus Christ was/is God (John 1:1-4), but He also was/is man (John 1:14)In fact, He is the ultimate example of what humanity ought to be, for He is the image of God (2 Corinthians 4:4). Man was designed to love God and love people. Jesus did that truly, perfectly, consistently. Therefore, becoming more like Jesus is the ultimate good for the counselee and anyone the counselee comes in contact with.  

Just picture this not only for counselees, but all Christians: What if both a husband and wife were seeking to love God and love each other all the time? You would have the restored marriage you desire! What if parents were truly seeking to love and discipline their children as their Father does them? What if children were seeking to reflect Jesus’ obedience to His Father by obeying their parents consistently and joyfully? What if family members, or neighbors, or coworkers, or enemies were looking to the interests of each other, like Christ did for us?  

Not Drudgery, but Joy 

Finally, helping your counselees to keep their eyes on the goal of becoming more like Christ is for their joy. Jesus Himself in John 15:1-11 tells us to abide in Him, His Word, and His love in order to bear fruit of answered prayer and obedience. In verses 8 and 11, He tells us, By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples…These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. Imagine a depressed, anxious, or angry counselee hearing, “I want to help you have the fullness of joy!” from his counselor. In fact, this is the very reason most people seek counseling: They lack joy. The biblical counselor’s medicine for that is Christlikeness.  

Not only do counselees lack joy, but many average Christians do as well. The reason is we are not like Jesus as we ought to be. We seek joy in entertainment, worldly recognition, self-esteem, earthly pleasure, friendships, and family. We fail to take hold of the blessings Paul lays out for us in Ephesians 1:3-14, or of Jesus’ promise in John 14:21 and 23. I encourage you to read this, memorize it, take hold of it, and let your joy be full:  

Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him…If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. 

The problems that bring counselees to your study are designed by God as aids to help conform them to the image of Christ. Click To Tweet

I mentioned at the beginning that we must view struggles and problems as opportunities to fulfill this goal of glorifying God. This is clear when we consider Scriptures like Romans 8:28-29, James 1:2-4, and 1 Peter 1:6-7. The problems that bring counselees to your study are designed by God as aids to help conform them to the image of Christ. In counseling, they can become equipped to respond to difficulties in a Christlike way. They can learn to glorify God not just in their struggles, but in all of life 

Perhaps best of all, they can be equipped to help others in the same way!