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Helping My Friend Who’s Suicidal

Truth in Love 56

On this edition of Truth in Love, Dr. Lambert discusses practical ways to care for someone who is suicidal.

Apr 5, 2017

Heath Lambert: The Apostle Paul knew what it was to be sad. In 2 Corinthians 4: 8- 9, he said, “we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed perplexed, but not despairing, persecuted but not forsaken, struck down, but not destroyed.” The Apostle Paul struggled with great pain and great brokenness, but as he articulates in this passage, it wasn’t overwhelming sorrow. Though he was afflicted, he wasn’t crushed. He was perplexed. He was not despairing. In the midst of the Apostle Paul’s pain, there was hope. But we’re aware that in a fallen world, it’s possible to be overwhelmed with a kind of despair that is devoid of hope, and this can lead people to be so overwrought that they don’t even want to live anymore. Isn’t that right, Amy?

Question: Yeah, I think that’s right. So, I think then the question is, what do we do? If we know someone who’s suicidal, how can we help them?

Heath Lambert: Well, if we know someone who is suicidal, and it’s likely to be the case that everyone listening to this will sooner or later know a friend, a loved one, someone in the course of their personal ministry that is in so much pain that they want to die, and they are thinking of taking their own life. And I think that there are several things that we can do to try to help in that situation.

The first thing is we really need to understand that suicide is wrong. It’s an act of murder against oneself, and we need to have that conviction, and we need to articulate that conviction because nothing goes without saying anymore. In a world where there is assisted suicide and euthanasia, and that phenomenon is going to grow and expand, we need to agree that it is wrong to take the life of a human being, even if the human being is ourselves. That’s wrong for at least two reasons. Number one, human beings are made by God in his image. We bear his likeness, we represent him to the world, we are the crowning achievement of God’s creative work, and we are the pinnacle of creation. And human life is to be protected at every point in development, and no human being has a right to sniff out an image bearer, again, even if the image bearer they’re talking about is themselves. So, because we are such precious and priceless creations, our lives need to be protected. And because of the sovereignty of God, it is God who has the right to take life. Deuteronomy 32:39 says, “see now that I, I am he, and there is no God, besides me, it is I who put to death and give life.” God is saying that as God, life and death are his prerogative. We have to trust in the sovereignty of God, no matter how bad our life is, whether physically, spiritually, or in some combination. We have to trust in his care as the one who holds death and life in his hands. And so, we need to understand this, we need to communicate this. When we understand that human beings are image bearers and that they exist underneath the sovereign care of God, then and only then will we be motivated to the full biblical force of action to protect life. So, we need to understand that life is to be protected because of that, and we want to try to persuade others that that’s the case.

The second thing we need to do is we need to use our actions and our intervention in this person’s life to protect their life. We need to do what we have to do to try to save them from taking their own life. A couple of things that we would need to think about in that regard is we do not leave such a person alone. If a friend, a loved one, or someone in your ministry communicates to you that they want to die, that they are thinking of taking their own life. Then your day just got rearranged. It’s not business as usual. You have to stop what you’re doing, and you have to move to try to protect this person. A couple of things that you’re going to want to keep in mind as you avoid leaving them alone, as you try to protect them. You’re probably going to want to call for help. You would want to reach out to wise, loving people in your church. You’d want to reach out to a wise loving person who is committed to the scriptures, who is committed to care for a person and is going to maybe have more wisdom than you do about how to respond to a situation like this. You may need to call 911 if this becomes an emergency situation and it’s beyond your capabilities at the moment. You should call 911 and depend on the emergency medical intervention of the state.

The third thing you’re going to want to do, in so far as it depends on you, you’re going to want to point this person to the hope that is found in Jesus Christ. Though the Apostle Paul was overwhelmed with despair though, he was afflicted. The thing that kept him from being destroyed, as we find out in the larger context of 2 Corinthians, is his great hope in the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is Jesus who can bring joy out of affliction. It’s Jesus who can bring life out of death. It is Jesus that can bring hope out of despair, and so we want to point people out, “hey, I get that your life is difficult. I understand that that is hard. I might not understand the experience of it, but I can listen to you and understand that this is an overwhelming problem.” And many of us have had overwhelming problems in our life as well, but no matter how serious the problem is, we can point them to Jesus Christ. And the hope that we can have is something that is greater than the despair that we experience. So, the hope that’s in Jesus is greater than the despair that a suicidal person might be experiencing. So, we want to point them out, “hey, if you would trust in Jesus Christ, if you would draw nearer to him, there is more hope for you than you can imagine; there’s more joy for you than you can imagine.” A lot of times, people will want to respond to a suicidal person with something like a guilt trip, “don’t do this to me, don’t do this to your family.” And what that does is that it lays more of a burden on their person who’s already obsessed with their own life and the consequences of their own life. You need to point them to something bigger, something better, and the best thing there is God and his Son, Jesus Christ. And so, we want to point them to the fact that there is relief and help and solace in the midst of the pain and that relief. And that solace has a name and we can call out to him as Jesus.

A fourth thing, and this is probably more long term is you want to begin to help them to deal with their problem. Nobody ever woke up with a wonderful life, everything working the way it’s supposed to work, the fullness of joy, plenty of money, all relationships are working fine, and thoughts are operating just as they’re supposed to operate. They say, “I want to die.” People want to die when some pressure has pressed into their life, and they sense that they cannot bear it. Ultimately, we’re not going to win the war for life in a suicidal person by arguing that they should not kill themself. The long-term battle is going to be one when we can show them that in God’s word, by the grace of Jesus, there are practical answers to the problems that they’re facing. So did their spouse leave, and they think they can’t live without their spouse? Has their spouse died, and they think they can’t live without their spouse? Did a child die, and they think they can’t go on? Are they guilty of some sin that, when it comes out, it’s going to devastate their relationships? Well, there are answers in the Bible, and there are answers in the grace of Jesus Christ for all of those things. And so, what suicide risk is, it is a call for Christians who are engaging in a troubled world to know God’s answers to problems in a fallen world that are so severe that it makes some people want to kill themselves. The ultimate answer for that is trust in Jesus Christ. But that ultimate answer gets worked out into a million different specifics in the pages of Scripture. And so we need to be people who are diligent in studying the Scriptures, who are diligent in understanding the problems of people who are so troubled they want to die, so that if God places us in a situation where we’re called to help, we know how to match troubled people with the specific grace of Jesus, to turn them from thoughts of death to thoughts of life.