Dale Johnson: This week on the podcast I have with me, my friend, Adam Tyson. Before going into pastoral ministry, Adam worked as a physician’s assistant in Cardiovascular and thoracic surgery in Savannah, Georgia, for four years. He then attended the Masters Seminary for both his MDiv and a Doctor of Ministry. Adam served as an associate pastor of student ministries and outreach at a church in Texas for eight years, but now Adam serves as a senior pastor of Placerita Bible Church in Santa Clarita, California. He teaches biblical counseling as an adjunct professor at the Masters University, and Adam is ACBC certified, as well as a fellow candidate with ACBC. He’s the host of the podcast called Way of Manhood, where he challenges gen Z men to be mature in their faith. He and his lovely wife, Lisa, have five children. Brother, welcome back to the podcast. Good to have you.
Adam Tyson: Good to be with you. It’s always a blessing.
Dale Johnson: Now it is interesting. We talk about stuff on the podcast, and I’m like, “Okay, that’s not stuff that I struggle with, so just fire away.” But today, we’re talking about the sin of comparison. This is a hard one that we all deal with to some degree; I would put myself in this category. Man, we struggle with this to such a great degree—fear of man and all the rest of it. Why do so many people struggle with this sin of comparison?
Adam Tyson: Like you said, Dale, it’s just natural to all of us, right? We’re talking about the sin of comparison; you could call it the sin of covetousness, you know, or thinking about the tenth commandment, Thou shalt not covet, right? In so many ways, this sin is manifested in our lives because you know what we are tempted to do, Dale, we are tempted to compare ourselves to others, and that’s just natural, right? You can’t help it. We live in a world; you live with people. You look at what they do. You look at what they’re saying, and it’s just manifested in a thousand ways. I mean, think about when you were in school: You take a hard test, and the first thing everyone asks when the grades are given out the next day is what?
Dale Johnson: “How’d you do?”
Adam Tyson: “What did you make?” You know, it happens at work. Guys are trying to get ahead, and I mean, we live in a capitalistic society, so some of that is a necessary evil, but you got to outsell your competitor. You have to know how you’re doing, and it can be a struggle sometimes, though. “Did I get that promotion?” “Did I get acknowledged for the work I did?” And Dale, it even happens for stay-at-home moms; nobody is escaping this, right?
Stay-at-home moms can struggle at times with how they are they doing in raising their kids. Have you ever heard of this website, or this social media platform called Instagram? Oh, my.
Dale Johnson: Yeah, it creates the expectations, right?
Adam Tyson: Right, I mean, you have some moms on there who must have been former NASA engineers who can do these do-it-yourself kits. They make incredible, you know, decorations in the home, and they make these snacks for their kids that are healthy; they’re organic, and they can even put them in different shapes like zebras, rhinos, and giraffes. The other moms are looking at this stuff and thinking, “Man, what a failure I must be,” as they see their own snotty-nosed kid walking around the house with their hand elbow-deep in a Cheeto bag. At that moment, they’re like, “What have I done?” And so, what I’m just saying is happening is: If we’re not careful, we look around, and we see what others are doing. We see what others are experiencing, and then we look at ourselves, and we feel like we’re falling short. We’re not getting the most out of life. And you know what? The bottom line is, Dale, we’re just not satisfied; we’re not satisfied in God. We’re not content in Christ. We see others, we see what they’re doing, and we get jealous; it’s an idol, right? It’s an idol in our heart; Jesus isn’t enough. I got to have that in order to truly be happy.
Dale Johnson: Yeah, or I think, “Man, they are contributing to life in my meaning, my value, and my purpose is in doing things just like that.” And then we find ourselves going about trying to find that. As you describe this, every single person who’s listening resonates with what you’re saying. This is the temptation that we have so abundantly with the media that’s out there, and even just our personal relationships. But the most critical thing, Adam, honestly, for us to see this well is looking at ourselves through the lens of the mirror of Scripture. And to see this idea of the sin of comparison so that we can see it clearly for what it is. We can see that the allurement and the enticement pricks at our own desires. Where do we see these types of sins of comparison in the Scripture?
Adam Tyson: It’s all over the place, you know. A couple places from the Old Testament come to mind. I don’t know if you remember this guy named Eldad and Medad, but they were contemporaries with Joshua. In Numbers 11:26, these two guys, Eldad and Medad are prophesying. Joshua gets a little bit upset about this. And so, as the assistant of Moses in numbers 11:28, he says “My Lord Moses, stop them.” He didn’t want those guys to keep prophesying, but Moses said to him, “Are you jealous for my sake? Would you want all the Lord’s people as prophets? So, there’s one example: Joshua’s upset about Eldad and medad and Moses is kind of like, “Let him go.” You have sibling rivalry like Aaron and Miriam, also with Moses. You remember how in Numbers 12:1, Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Kushite woman, whom he had married. They said, “Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has he not also spoken through us?” You have to think, you know, Miriam’s thinking about the part she had to play, helping baby Moses get picked up in the basket. You know, Aaron’s no small dude himself. He’s got a major place to play in the plan of God, and yet they become jealous because God was working with Moses. And so, as you remember what there is, God strikes Miriam with Leprosy, right, just to remind them. He said, “Hey, look, I’m going to speak to my guy, mouth-to-mouth, face-to-face. That’s what I’m choosing to do with Moses. And you guys really, you know, have a part to play in general, but you’re not supposed to take Moses’ spot. He’s the one that I’ve called to do this.” And then we see it in the New Testament as well. How about the disciples arguing about who’s the greatest? You know, starting in Mark 9:33, they come from Capernaum to Jesus, and He says, “What were you discussing along the way?” But they kept silent, for they had been arguing with one another about who was the greatest. And so, we just see it really all through Scripture, where people are getting upset. They’re getting jealous. They’re getting, you know, turned sideways out. In Philippians 1, you know, some people preach the gospel for selfish ambition. Some are doing it with a better heart than that, but the answer is: When you’re not satisfied in Christ and you feel like someone else is getting bigger and better than you, stealing your glory, that’s where it gets us where we get upset.
Dale Johnson: Yeah. So true. And it’s always just helpful when we peer into the face of Scripture; we begin to see that this is something that’s common, and we see this in us. So often, even in these passages, we want to identify with the good guy, not the bad guy. But the reality is that most of the time we struggle with the things that the bad guys are dealing with. You taught on this at a recent annual conference; it was a breakout, and I’m just interested. Give me sort of the flow of how you taught through this during that breakout.
Adam Tyson: Sure. Yeah, I mean, I think one of the biggest examples of this would be John the Baptist and his disciples against what Jesus was doing in His ministry. I mean, in John 3, what we’re talking about here is where John the Baptist and his ministry begins to overlap with Jesus and His ministry. Just keep in mind that for a long time, John the Baptist was the only show in town. I mean, people are coming out of the city and going out into the wilderness to hear John the Baptist. I mean, he’s this wild man, and he’s full of passion, and he’s helping people repent and look to the Christ that would come after him, right? And then all of a sudden, when you get to John 3, there’s this discussion starting in 3:25 that arose between some of John’s disciples and a certain Jew over purification. So, there’s this discussion going on, and here’s how the discussion went: They came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, He who is with you, across the Jordan, to whom you bore witness… Look, He is baptizing, and all are going to Him.” You start to get the idea that John the Baptist’s disciples are getting jealous of Jesus and His ministry. This is at the heart of the sin of comparison, and it’s in the ministry. You would think they would say, “Oh, there’s the Messiah! Of course, He’s supposed to be the head dog. He’s the one we worship. He’s the one that’s going to bring forgiveness. He’s the one that’s the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world.” But instead, they began to struggle, and they began to ask questions. Almost as if, “What happened to us? What happened to our ministry? What happened to John the Baptist? Did he lose his mojo? Did He lose his swagger? What happened to cause everyone to now go out to Him?” Whereas they were used to getting a little bit of that attention. So that’s kind of what’s happening in this text.
And you know, the truth is, it would be easy for us to do the same thing. Some other minister comes to town, and they plant a church. Some other church takes a hold of biblical counseling, and all of a sudden, their ministry starts flourishing. Their ministry starts growing, and you’re stuck at the same church you’ve been at, and for a while, you thought you had something going. But it seems to have kind of tapered out. It seems to have lost some excitement. And you’re starting to see other ministries grow and flourish, while your ministry starts to become, you know, put back in the shadows; it seems to be floundering. You know what the temptation to do in that moment is to compare. It’s to compete. And then you start to lose your identity, and you start to think that the only way that we’ll ever be anybody is if we get recognition, and we get the pat on the back, and we get an ‘atta boy.’ I think that’s what John the Baptist’s disciples were struggling with, instead of just looking to Christ. And so, the good news is John the Baptist set them straight. He told them what’s up. And in the next verse, in John 3:27, John answered, “A person cannot receive even one thing, unless it is given to him from heaven.” And you know what he’s saying? God is sovereign. Everything you have is a gift from God. Take what you have and use that for God’s glory. Don’t worry about what’s going on in other places. You do what God’s called you to do in your own giftedness and your own ability. That’s what John the Baptist models as he says in the verse, “For you yourselves bear witness that I said, ‘I am not the Christ, but I have been set before Him’” You think about that? It’s like what humility, right? What an incredible reminder that John the Baptist is like, “Look, I’m to prepare the way for Christ. I’m not supposed to be stealing His thunder. I’m supposed to be pointing people to Him.” That’s how the text ends, John 3:29. “The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom who stands near Him rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore, this joy of mine is now complete.” I think about how John the Baptist didn’t get jealous; He got joyful. The way that he got joyful was that he was so thankful that he’s playing second fiddle. He’s the best man at the wedding. He’s not the groom, not the bridegroom; that’s Jesus. That’s His job; He’s the bridegroom’s friend. And the bridegroom’s friend has the opportunity to set up the wedding. They make sure everything is set up, but God’s got to do their work. And that’s where John the Baptist’s joy came from. I mean ends the passage, saying, “He must increase, but I must decrease.”
Dale Johnson: That’s so instructive. I’m going to take just a second Adam based on the things that you described, and I’m going to just warn our listeners. I know what it’s like in counseling ministry, we’re thinking about the problems of other people. And we hear something like this, and we’re thinking, “Man, this is so helpful, and I cannot wait to take some of the information and apply it to someone else.” Can I caution you against that? I think it’s important that we pause for a second. What I found to be the best preparation in counseling is learning what the text says and learning to apply it to my life personally. It breeds a confidence in the Word to such a degree that no matter what it is that I have faced with someone else’s problem, I’m confident the Word’s going to address it. So, let me warn you just to say, “Let’s take a look at ourselves first.” And we talked about this issue of sin of comparison. Let the Word resonate with us first. Let the Word change us first. And as you see that happen, you’ll be well-equipped to counsel somebody else. So, let’s think now with us. So, I struggle with the sin of comparison. If I’m struggling with that, what are some of the practical steps that you’re telling me—anchors from the Scripture, that I should lean into in order to do what John is describing? To see Jesus, behold His glory for who He really is. And that’s my life’s mission—to uphold Him in whatever task He has for me to do. How do I deal with this, Adam?
Adam Tyson: Oh Man, step number one, confess it is sin to the Lord, right? I mean, 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He’s faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. I think we just got to confess our own pride, our own selfishness, this sin of covetousness, or as I am calling it here: this sin of comparison, because that’s kind of what happens. I remember when I started counseling, Dale, years ago. I just got certified. I’m all excited about building Lafayette in my little church in Texas, and I’m thinking, “Here we go, baby. I’m certified; we’re going to do this.” And then my first three cases were crash and burn. I’m telling you, one of them left his wife. Another guy goes to prison for some crime he committed, and in the third counseling case I had, they got disciplined out of the church. I walked into my pastors office, and I’m like, “Look, I know this biblical counseling stuff is supposed to work, but we’ve got a lot of work to do. I don’t know what to do. Should I even be doing this anymore?” And I just remember him looking at me and saying, “Adam, just be faithful. It doesn’t matter what happens. Only God can, you know, work out the outcome. You be faithful to keep doing what you’re doing.” And I think that’s really the reminder. Sometimes we want to do big things for God. And that can get in the way of just doing what it is that God’s called you to do.
So, I think we just got to confess that to the Lord. Like maybe my heart is prideful and the way to turn that is to just be grateful. Just be thankful for the opportunity that you do have to talk to somebody about Jesus today. Be thankful that there is someone that you can counsel with, somebody that you can invest in. And whether or not, they all are perfect stories with perfect endings, and some of them are sad stories with, you know, not the ending that we would have wanted. But you know what? We can learn to rejoice with others, because sometimes you talk to other counselors, and they’re like, “Oh man, my counselee got saved, and my counselees wedding or marriage just got to be put together again. They’re like newlyweds,” you know? And you’re thinking , “Well, my counsel, his didn’t end like that. They hate each other. What am I doing wrong?” You know what I do when I hear other counselors tell me how well their counselees doing? I just try to remind myself to rejoice with those who rejoice, right? That’s what we got to do. We got to rejoice instead of saying, “Well, how come I’m not getting that same experience?” I’m just thankful that God to work in their ministry and in their counseling. So that’s huge. So confess it, rejoice with others, have a good, thankful heart, and then certainly we want to say: find your contentment in Christ. That’s the real key, right? Find your contentment in Christ. It’s not about you comparing yourself, competing with others, and then losing sight of your identity. It’s understanding even something like, from a different context, 1 Timothy 6:6 says, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” Of course, in that context we’re talking about possessions and money, and the love of money can be the root of all evil. Their desire to get rich can lead you into temptation, but the principal of godliness with contentment is great gain, that’s the real key. Am I content with being godly? Am I content with Christ? And if I am, that’s a great gain. There’s nothing better that you could ever have. I mean, this is something that hit me just a couple of weeks ago that I’ve been repeating to my kids because we discovered this truth at our devotion time around the table. And I was reading about how Jesus was tempted when He went out into the wilderness. Satan offered Him everything: all the kingdoms of this world, if you just bow down and worship me. Of course, the answer we know is: worship the Lord, your God, and Him only. And I looked at my kids, and I told them, “Everything that Satan offers you, you already have in Christ.” That’s the key to contentment—everything that Satan offers—a thought that I would be more content if I had this experience or if I had this kind of success or if I had this going on—everything that Satan offers you already have in Christ. Ephesians: All the spiritual blessings in the heavenly realms are ours in Christ. That’s how we fight the sin of comparison. I
Dale Johnson: I love it, brother. And this is how truth hurts so good. I think of the freedom that you’ve just described, the freedom to walk with the Lord, to glorify Him and whatever path He’s given us to walk, whatever place he’s given us, whatever duties he’s given. There is such freedom in that, and so rejoice in that freedom as we tackle this sin of comparison. Adam, thank you for being with us, brother.
Adam Tyson: It’s a blessing.
Click here to register for our annual conference: Ancient Paths!
