Dale Johnson: This week on the podcast, I’m delighted to have with me Caroline Newheiser. She’s an ACBC certified counselor. She has earned her master’s degree in christian counseling from the Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte, North Carolina, where she’s assistant coordinator of women’s counseling. Her husband Jim, many of you know him, is the director of the christian counseling program and is an associate professor of counseling and practical theology at RTS Charlotte. She was a pastor’s wife for over 34 years, including six years in Saudi Arabia, before moving to Charlotte. She and Jim have three adult sons and four grandchildren. Caroline, we are so grateful to have you on the podcast with us today.
Caroline Newheiser: Thank you for inviting me.
Dale Johnson: Now, this is a difficult subject. We can’t play around with the idea of eating disorders and some of their effects upon people, particularly young women, although not always the case. So, we want to make sure that we’re addressing this tenderly. And Caroline, you always do such a great job with that. I’m looking forward to our discussion today. As we get into this, we see influence in so many directions as to what raises awareness to a young lady about her image or about issues with eating. What’s your opinion on the role of social media? It’s certainly spread, there’s no question about that, but what is your opinion about the role of social media in spreading this problem of eating disorders?
Caroline Newheiser: Well, the more young women I meet with, I realize the impact of comparison on one another through social media: looking at photos of each other, and then there are people who emphasize losing weight and body image. And if you look at even models on the runway, you see how a lot of them they look emaciated. Social media is spreading that idea with their favorite models or movie stars. And then you have fitness magazines. You have a lot of this emphasis that is damaging to young women.
Dale Johnson: Yeah, they get this picture that that is what normal life should be. Like we’ve not even mentioned the influence of things like photoshop and filters that people have on their phones. They’re getting these images that you know that are often not even real to life. And so, here we are comparing ourselves to images that are fabricated. And certainly, an idea that really says nothing about the difference in the way God makes each one of us as individuals. You know, as we skim and we see some of these influences and how it impacts particularly our young ladies: What do you see, as you counsel these types of issues as some of the root issues, some of the sins that motivate that type of behavior? what are some of those things that you see, Caroline?
Caroline Newheiser: I’d like to emphasize the fact that there are root issues that are sins, so that anyone who’s listening to this podcast knows they can help other people. They don’t have to have a specialization, even in this topic. As long as they understand sin what it is and how it impacts a person, but also what the Bible says to help them with those sins. So, a girl I was working with, her first problem was fear of man. She had her mother telling her she was fat, and she was concerned about what other people thought of her looks. So, that was the first one we started with. I just talked to her about Proverbs 1:7. That the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and helping replacing fear of men with fear of the Lord.
But underneath a lot of this is pride— it could be: “I’m so glad I’m not that,” “I look better than she does,” or “I don’t ever want to look like her.” So, I talked to these women about James 4:6, that God is opposed to the proud. He gives grace to the humble. So, trying to work with a girl in particular, one young lady— She did not want me to tell her what to do. She had her own system in place. She was very proud and would not listen to counseling initially. A lot of these ladies to are legalistic; they make rules for themselves—No fats, no sugar, no salts. They have set up a whole system of legalism and that makes them feel good about themselves. We see a lot of that in our own lives, but we’re thankful for Romans 14, which says basically God makes the food rules. So, legalism in order to please self or to please whatever they think is leading them to be approved of by God; so that’s also the sin of perfectionism. “I want to be perfect. I want to be known as somebody with self-control, I don’t want to be controlled by food.” A lot of these women during covid became especially sensitive because they were in a place, in the time period that was out of control. That’s when they say, “this is the one thing I can do to control my life. I can control what I eat.” So, another sin area is lies. These women are deceitful: they lie to their moms, and they lie to their dads about what they ate. They lie to a counsel even. And they are really covering up their sin, because they don’t want to be seen as weak.
And I have also encountered women who are hopeless. They say: “I have worked so hard to try to beat this, and I just don’t think I can. I don’t even see that God can do anything for me.” For some of these women, we know it’s a very deadly sin. That eating disorders can lead them to Hospitalization or death. So, we’re helping them to see the hope that comes from being in Christ; that if you’re belonging to Christ, He will help you. Philippians 1:6: He’s not going to leave you. And some of these women need to hear the Gospel for the first time. The power of the Gospel that can help them to change.
Dale Johnson: And that’s what I want to get into as we talked about the Gospel. You mentioned several things there that I think are really, really key. We’re talking about root issues because we’re not oblivious to the fact that these are bodily issues, that cause decay on the body. You even mention that they could lead to fatal implications, as well. I mean, so these are severe things that are affecting the body, but we have to see these particular root issues, these motivations, these moral dispositions as you described them. And Caroline, I really appreciate the way that you’re talking about this in a very religious framework. These are the things that are underlying: discontentment, that is constantly a bubbling up from underneath the surface. And these are critical issues that now help us to see: “okay, how can a Biblical counsellor be engaged in this.” And we’re not just saying, “you know, yeah, we want them to go see their physician to deal with some of the biological symptoms and the fallout that’s happening, because of their poor choices. But, if we unnecessarily distinguish and say, “Well, this is something that only the physician can deal with,” then they’re not getting to the root of the issue. They can treat the symptoms, and we want them to do that, but we have to deal with these root issues. And when you start introducing a topic and say: “Ah, the Gospel. We need to go to the Gospel,” some people don’t make that connection. But I think, you know, if you guys can understand the root issues in what we see in motivation underneath and how the Bible applies to that, then now we can see the beauty of the Gospel and why it’s necessary. So that brings us to that place, for you to explain a little bit more if you can a for us, about the importance of the Gospel in overcoming these weaknesses, and overcoming these sins. So, what I find Carolina, is that some of our counselors don’t always make the leap here. They don’t they don’t see: “Okay the Gospel, how does this connect to an issue like and eating disorders? That seems so crazy.” So, explain the importance of the Gospel here.
Caroline Newheiser: Well, I’ll tell you that when I was counseling a young lady with this problem. She finally came to me and said, “I listened to a sermon by John Piper, and he told me this is a sin!” And had been working with her for weeks and weeks, but when she realized that she was sinning against God, now we’re talking about the necessary Savior. So, also the necessity for confessing our sins, and praying for forgiveness, knowing God will cleanse us and purify us. So, she had to see herself as a sinner, who needs a Savior. But then, the Gospel also helps because we have Ephesians 4, where we begin the principle of: “I’m going to put on Christ but put off this sinful behavior.” And a girl who’s struggling, like a lot of us are struggling with besetting sins, we constantly remind ourselves: “I am no longer a slave to sin. I’m a slave to Christ.” So, the Gospel, knowing she’s saved, whether she needs to know it for the first time or apply the Gospel here, will give her victory. It will help her to start seeing that she has hope, she has purpose now, but also that she is in dwelt by the Holy Spirit. So, the Gospel coming in here making a girl think of herself differently, because now her body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. And part of what our problem is that we tend to think the body is separate from behavior. So, I can do what I want with my body, but I’m still a spiritual person. But if we apply spiritual things to this part of life, we’ll say: “Oh, I know now that I have to treat my body differently, because I’m in dwelt by the Holy Spirit.”
Dale Johnson: Yeah, that’s so good and a lot of people may say on issues like this: “I’m not sure; biblical counseling seems really wonderful. Can it really help somebody here?” I know I’ve experienced this. I can remember working with a young lady in high school, who was referred to us by local physician. And I can remember the depth of deception in her life, where even we had a nutritionist on board helping us. And the nutritionist wanted her to weigh every week; she would bring little fishing weights to put in her pocket. And you know, she was really afraid of that shame, that she wasn’t meeting goals that she had set, and that sort of thing. I’m talking about something that had gripped his young lady’s life. And then what we see a year later, working with her to see the beauty of the Gospel shine through her life repair a lot of what was going on in her family life. I’ve seen in my experience, and you’ve certainly worked with many young ladies, and you’ve seen this in your experience. I want you to describe, you know, how you’ve seen women change when they begin to love others more than themselves, when they struggle with these types of things.
Caroline Newheiser: And that’s really what Christ was saying is the second greatest commandment: to love others. I had one young woman change, when she became pregnant. All of a sudden what she was doing to herself: very selfishly controlling her diet because of hurt and all these other factors. When she became pregnant now, she realizes: “I need to eat healthy because I love someone else more than I love myself.” That was the key. But some women are having to turn their thoughts of: “I’m going to do this, whether my parents care what I do or not,” to realize “My parents really do care. I love my dad. I love my mom. I know what they’re doing is not just trying to control me, but they’re actually loving me.” And to turn that around to loving man. Not to mention, how much of our Christian Life is involving table Fellowship, eating meals together. So, to go to for example a church potluck supper, and to agree to come, and sit, and have fellowship over a meal is very unselfish for a girl who’s been ruled by what she is supposed to eat and not supposed to eat.
Dale Johnson: I love how you’re offering the remedy that scripture provides against the issue of sin and motivation that they’re wrestling with their own heart. Because, you know, with these issues of eating disorders, it is very insular and self-focused. And some of the things practically that you’re saying are that we have to help them to see there’s a whole other world out there, with so many people there. That that the Lord has made us to love them, and care for them, and serve them. And sometimes all it takes is that that change in focus and heart to get them released from this bondage. Now, I want you to share some practical advice. We have counselors who are listening to this podcast right now, who have been asking that question: “Man, I’ve got somebody in my church who struggles with this, and I am really scared. I’m not sure what to do.” Caroline, share some advice, practical things that counselors can do who are working with these types of issues with eating.
Caroline Newheiser: That’s a great question. And I’m glad you’ve already mentioned talking to a medical doctor, because this is something where you need to come alongside with someone else in the medical community because now, we’re talking: what is average standard calorie intake, that’s normal? What is a normal weight for somebody of this height and this age? So, you want to send the counselee back to the doctor to get some of these facts and treat it like something that’s needs to be helped. But I’ve also involved a nutritionist to begin to teach a young lady how much she should be eating, and how to balance those calories, and how to have self-control in certain areas. And I think, this is more prevalent than we realize. Because you have probably seen a lot of young ladies who have different restrictions, like no gluten. Which some of us have celiac disease, right? But others need to remember that God has created all things for us to enjoy. So, you bring in your medical professional, you bring in a nutritionist. But I also would advise you to bring in the family; it could be a husband who needs to hear what’s happening with his wife. It could be these parents because girl might be reacting to her mother. So now we’re going to bring in mom, and maybe you need to counsel mom for a while. But any good counselor will listen well, will listen with compassion, without showing shock on your face, or horror, or asking nagging questions, but: “I love you. I want to care for you. I want to help you.” And I know that a good counselor will do that; one who’s biblically based, who has a love of Christ in them.
Dale Johnson: These are such helpful tips. I can remember you mentioned working with a nutritionist; the one that I worked with consistently had at just an ability to explain to the young ladies that when they hear certain caloric intake, they get really nervous, the ladies do, but a nutritionist can really help them to see and not be overwhelmed with the amount of food intake, the amount of caloric intake. They can help to adjust meals in such a way that it’s more likely that the individual will eat that much at a given meal. And it’s just very helpful with the knowledge, that they have to be able to get them back up to a good body weight. Man, some really helpful pieces of advice: I encourage you as well, as you said about family; sometimes I swear that deception happens most. And then having somebody in the family who helps to keep them accountable at the times where they are most vulnerable. And all those things are very important. So, Caroline tough topic, really, really tough. Thank you for doing that and thank you for sharing that with us and giving us some encouragement here.
