The radio news was playing as I wandered through a gift shop on December 21, 1988. I froze as I heard the announcement of Pan Am flight 103 exploding over Lockerbie, Scotland. Shock, horror, grief. Those were my colleagues, that was my Pan Am, that was my flight 103. There was nothing to do but stand there in the shop and weep. It had been several years since I had left my job at Pan Am, but that day I felt very much still a part of the Pan Am family.
Here we are in 2024, where terrorist attacks have become a part of life in this fallen world: 9/11, school shootings, October 7…. While we all feel horror over such evil events, most of us were not directly affected: my husband was not on Pan Am 103 that day. That was not my child’s school. My kids were not at the Israeli music festival. So we cannot say, “I understand.” The rest of us cannot imagine the inexpressibly unbearable pain of families in such tragedy. The grief is severe and long-term.
Grief: the Bible speaks very specifically to this issue. David, for example, expressed this long-term grief well: “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart all the day?” (Psalm 13:1-2). Such long-term grief can erode hope and lead to bitterness and despair. But there is a way to help those in such deep pain to learn to grieve with hope in the Lord.
Three Steps to Grieving with Hope in the Lord
- Lamenting
In 1 Samuel 30, we have a little glimpse into a tragic event in David’s life, offering an example of three steps to grieve with hope in the Lord. On the run from King Saul and his murderous intentions, David and his wives and soldiers had been residing in the city of Ziklag which had been offered as a residence to David by the Philistines. After a time away, David and his men returned to Ziklag only to find that it had been “burned with fire and their wives and sons and daughters had been taken captive” (1 Samuel 30:3). Imagine coming home to your village and seeing the horrific sight of complete devastation as well as the kidnapping of your family, likely to be sold into slavery! Imagine their grief! What was their first response? “Then David and the people who were with him lifted their voices and wept until there was no strength in them to weep” (1 Samuel 30:4). Perhaps they were crying out, “Why do You stand afar off O Lord? Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1).
Like David and his men who wept over their horrific tragedy, we must first help those in grief to lament to the Lord. We can lament with them. The Lord Jesus understands grief. He went through suffering and grief for us (Isaiah 53:3). Not only did He suffer, but there was a divine, redemptive purpose in His sufferings: He rose from the dead, conquering death and thereby conquering sin – the cause of death – and He offers eternal life to all who will place their faith in Him as Savior and Lord. He is our ultimate comfort and the source of eternal hope.
- Remembering
But David’s situation got worse: “Moreover David was greatly distressed because the people spoke of stoning him, for all the people were embittered, each one because of his sons and his daughters.” Not only did he have a tragedy to face, he also now had anger and dissent within his troops. His reaction to this revealed his heart for God: “But David strengthened himself in the Lord” (1 Samuel 30:6). His second step to grieving with hope in the Lord was remembering the character of God and His promises.
We can help those in grief to hold fast to the truth of who God is: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). It is vital to help them steadfastly fill their minds with the Word of God. It was David who wrote, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4). David trusted in God’s reliable nearness and care, and his persevering faith produced eternal hope in the Lord.
We must remember that our sovereign, all-wise God uses all things, even tragedy, for our sanctification. Nothing happens outside of His power and goodness. Even in grief, this truth should nourish hope in the Lord.
- Asking
There was a third step in David’s response to grief: “Then David said to Abiathar the priest, the son of Ahimelech, “Please bring me the ephod.” So Abiathar brought the ephod to David” (1 Samuel 30:7). The high priest’s ephod was a garment worn for the purpose of discerning God’s will. David was in grief and risked immediate mutiny from his men. Mindful of his desperate need for guidance, he turned to the Abiathar and his ephod to inquire of the Lord.
We can encourage those in trials and grief to go to God for guidance and help. He has invited us to pray and ask Him for wisdom: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5). But we don’t need an ephod anymore because Jesus Christ is our High Priest and has opened the way for us to go to God: “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:14-16). What a gracious God we have, to grant us access into His holy presence to ask for help.
Conclusion
The horror of Pan Am 103 still deeply grieves me. Lately, the daily news is a reminder that tragedy is everywhere, leaving many people in shock and grief. For David, the tragedy took a turn for the better: he and his men were able to safely recover their wives and children. But even when tragic events do not see a happy ending, we can help those in shock and grief to respond to the tragedy by lamenting to the Lord, remembering His character and His promises, and asking the Lord for guidance and help. Even if accompanied by long-term grief, persevering faith will produce enduring and eternal hope in the Lord.
