It’s a horrible feeling. That moment when the excitement has faded, the pleasure has passed, and you are left in the empty aftermath of your sexual sin. You may feel like you’re not sure what came over you. How did this happen again? How could you be so foolish? You feel stupid, dirty, and ashamed. And you don’t know what to do.
Of course, one short article can’t give you everything you need at that moment. Inevitably you’re going to need to confess your sin to others, you’re going to need accountability and wisdom, and you’re going to need a practical plan to help you avoid this happening again. But before you get to all of that, I want to remind you of three foundational truths about God that will shape the road to recovery and redemption.
1. God Forgives
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:7–9).
You’ve sinned and there’s no use sugarcoating it. You know it and God knows it. But as you come to God with a broken and contrite heart, you need to recognize his voice. His is not the voice condemning you. His is not the voice shaming you. If you have placed your trust in Christ, his is the voice reminding you of the magnitude of his grace. No matter what you’ve done or thought, no matter what you’ve engaged in or imagined:
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).
Sexual experiences have a way of sticking in our minds. The scenes can play on repeat seemingly without end. There’s something about the physical, emotional, and spiritual intensity of sexual sin that causes it to hang around even when we’d rather forget. This dynamic can tempt us to believe that if our minds still hold our sins against us, God does too. But that simply is not true.
The truth is that the record has been canceled. The shell of it may still linger in my mind, but my guilt before God and shame before my community have been completely removed. They have been, as Paul puts it, nailed to the cross. You are forgiven.
2. God Gives a New Identity
One of the most haunting aspects of sexual sin is the way it can feel like it defines us. You didn’t just commit adultery; you are an adulterer. You didn’t just look at pornography, you are a sex addict. But, if you have put your faith in Christ that is not who you are, it’s who you were.
And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God (1 Corinthians 6:11).
You were forgiven and you have been given a new identity in Christ. Your sin no longer defines you. God defines your identity. And you are able to say with the Apostle Paul:
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me (Galatians 2:20).
You are God’s child (1 John 3:1). You are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). You are his heir (Ephesians 1:11). You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a people for God’s own possession (1 Peter 2:9). Your sexual sin doesn’t define you. You have been made new. So, you can confess your sins to others knowing that your sin isn’t the basis of your identity. You can engage in accountability and take practical steps knowing that you are not enslaved to your sin. You are a new creation. You belong to God. And he is empowering you, by his Spirit, to live out who you are.
3. God Transforms
God’s Spirit dwells in you and he is transforming you. He is dismantling your old ways of living brick by brick. And in their place, he is growing genuine spiritual fruit. He is growing in you the fruit of love, joy, goodness, kindness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-25). And he is producing in you the very mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16; Philippians 2:5). To tackle the sexual sin in your life you need supernatural strength. And that is exactly what God has given you. He has not left you on your own to fend off temptation, he has given you everything you need to resist and walk forward in purity (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Whenever the Bible talks about spiritual transformation, it almost always mentions how that transformation shapes our sexual lives (Galatians 5:19; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). Our transformed hearts lead to transformed lives. And our transformed lives lead to transformed sexuality.
Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints (Ephesians 5:1–3).
God is transforming you. He is empowering you to live in ways most people assume are simply impossible. And he is doing so for your own good and for his glory. And this changes everything.
While the aftermath of sexual sin is one of the worst feelings in the world, that is not the end of the story, as this godly sorrow leads to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10). God meets us in our sorrow and shame and reminds us of his gracious presence and his empowering promises. He meets you right where you’re at and tells you that, through faith in Christ, you are forgiven, you are made new, and you are being transformed.
There may still be a long road ahead. There are probably several people in your life you need to confess your sin to. There are probably going to be moments of pain and difficulty still to come, as you begin to forsake sin and learn to walk in righteousness. But there are going to be countless moments and joy and victory as well. And that journey begins here. It begins by being reminded of the truly life-changing power of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
