So, you think you can dance? Then, take your partner by the hand and take the role of leading man.
Peter urges Christian husbands to humbly serve their wives with strength: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). “Likewise” grounds the command in the believer’s submission to Christ (2:13, 18; 3:1). Just like subjects of Rome and house servants and Christian wives submit themselves to Christ, so also, husbands, should you. Thus, the same spirit which makes a wife “gentle and quiet” will make the husband “kind and attentive.”
The Command
Peter instructs husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way,” or literally, “a way according to knowledge.” Such knowledge has to do with the husband’s knowledge of the God to be feared, of God’s holy Word, of what God says about a husband’s role in marriage, and of how a Christian man must treat his wife. Knowing the Lord compels him to know his wife—her likes and dislikes; her strengths and weaknesses; her desires, goals, and frustrations. The wife humbly places herself under his authority as the husband humbly marshals his strength to lift her up and lead her.
The husband shows honor to his wife because, as a woman, she is “the weaker vessel.” This does not imply moral, intellectual, or emotional weakness. It does not mean she is less spiritual or theologically astute. The most apparent meaning is that, in general, God created husbands to be physically stronger than their wives (especially in Peter’s pre-industrial, agrarian society). Other “weaknesses” in Peter’s day might be a wife’s financial dependence on her husband or her limited societal influence. Peter has also called the Christian wife to submit to her husband which promptly places her in a vulnerable spot.
Yet Peter’s command also prohibits husbands from taking advantage of their authority. A Christian husband must never engage in domestic violence or abuse. He doesn’t ridicule his wife in front of friends or demean her in front of the children. He doesn’t blame his wife for leading him into sin (e.g., Genesis 3:6). Instead, he daily honors her as precious by providing for her and protecting her. Scripture always bestows honor on the “weaker” vessel in the way that we distinguish between china and everyday dishes (see 1 Corinthians 12:22–24). Fine china is irreplaceable and priceless in value. Its fragility requires that you treat it with care and display it in the place of honor. On the other hand, everyday dishes can be chipped or cracked. They are not as precious since they are easily replaced.
The Motivation
To this command of knowing your wives and showing her honor, Peter then presents the motivation for Christian husbands: “Since they are heirs with you of the grace of life.” As believers, both of you look forward to an eternal inheritance, “imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you” (1 Peter 1:4). So, Christian husband, serve your wife because she is saved from sin, just like you. Love your wife because she is heaven’s royalty, just like you. Understand your wife because she is God’s blessed child, just like you. Husband do not diminish your wife, for she will receive the same privileges of grace in heaven’s eternal kingdom. At the same time don’t treat her just like your buddies, for she is a “vessel” worthy of honor. If you have been blessed to marry a godly wife, then every night you fall asleep beside an heiress of eternal glory. Your wife is royalty—God’s precious princess—the apple of his eye. Therefore, honor her in this life the way that God will honor her for all eternity or God will hold you accountable (2 Corinthians 5:9-10).
The Warning
At the end of verse 7, Peter includes the warning: “So that your prayers may not be hindered.” When you mistreat a daughter of God, he will refuse to speak with you. Your sin might be the blockage between you and God (James 5:16b) or your disunity might keep you and your wife apart (Matthew 18:19). You won’t be able to pray together when you fail to honor her and live with her according to knowledge. Your broken relationship will make it difficult to kneel in prayer. Husband, if your marriage is marked by continual rebellion against the Lord, the only prayer he answers will be your contrite prayer of repentance.
The love of a leading man depicts marriage as an elegant dance. The husband leads in such a way that serves his wife, so that she might flourish. He becomes a diligent student of his wife and models the example of his Savior (John 13:1–15). The wife then follows her husband’s lead such that his strength complements her graceful beauty. This kind of dance brings joy to God, delight to both partners, and wonder to a watching world.
Part 2 – The Influence of an Attractive Wife will be posted on Thursday, August 8!
