There are many times when church members, who are in crisis and in need of counseling, quietly seek wisdom and guidance from a stranger, rather than seeking out their pastors or another trusted friend. This all-too-common response may come from the misconception that one should never receive counseling from someone they know.
Psychologists often see it as best practice not to counsel friends or family. It is also common for the therapist not to acknowledge the counseling relationship if the counselor and patient meet in public. While this therapeutic worldview is the standard among secular psychotherapists, it is not how a Christian ought to view the relationship between the counselor and the one receiving care.
To help prove this idea, we will first look at some biblical reasons for a more personal relationship between the counselor and their counselee. Then, we will look at a few reasons why someone may be resistant to this kind of interpersonal counseling.
In Defense of Receiving Counseling from Your Local Church
One reason why we must take the view that counseling is best done in the church is that biblical counseling is to be seen as one aspect of discipleship. True biblical counseling is not therapy. Meaning, we are not merely seeking to improve someone’s life, but we are seeking to glorify God by helping others be conformed to Christlikeness. Any other goal for counseling is outside of historic biblical counseling.1For more on what historic biblical counseling is, see Lou Priolo, Presuppositions of Biblical Counseling: What Historical Biblical Counselors Really Believe (Conway, AR: Grace and Truth Books, 2023). While counseling may look like meeting once a week to talk through issues, it should also involve talking with each other during the corporate gathering, being in each other’s homes, sharing meals together, and much more. It is in this God-given task of coming alongside each other that we can help point one another to Christ. “Because of our human tendency to wander from Scriptural truth, our souls require constant care. God has graciously granted a means of preventative care for us in the function of the church shepherds to equip us for the work of ministry.”2T. Dale Johnson, The Church as a Culture of Care: Finding Hope in Biblical Community (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2021), 147. Verses like Romans 15:14, Colossians 1:28, and 1 Thessalonians 5:14 all point to the reality that the task of counseling is to be done by one another in the church.
A second reason as to why biblical counseling belongs to the church is because we, as church members, are called to hold each other accountable. Hebrews 3:12-15 reminds us that we are to be intimately involved in the lives of one another. If we are allowed to hide our struggle in anonymity, then we are at risk of falling away and being hardened by our sin. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” meaning that it is a true friend who loves us enough to confront us in our sin and to walk with us through our struggles (Galatians 6:1-2). If we seek to go to someone else outside the church and share struggles, shame, guilt, sin, sorrow, etc., how will the church be able to fulfill its God-given calling to care for and help those who are struggling?
Third, the tool that God has given us to use in helping people grow is His all-sufficient Word. Passages such as Psalm 19, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, and 2 Peter 1:3-4 remind us that it is only by the power of God’s Word that anyone is able to be transformed into the image of Christ. God has tasked and given authority to the church to make disciples by teaching all that is in His Word (Matthew 28:18-20; Acts 20:20).
Proverbs 19:20 states, “Listen to counsel and receive discipline, that you may be wise in the end of your days.” We are told in places like Psalm 1, that those who walk according to God’s Word will be blessed and find life, but those who follow the counsel of the wicked will perish. If we want to gain wisdom and godly counsel outside of the Scriptures, we will only find that in the church. All other counsel will not lead to biblical wisdom, but to greater folly.
Dr. Daniel Berger states, “There is no wisdom, however, as true, valuable, and medicinal as God’s grace (Proverbs 24:13-14). In fact, only God’s wisdom has the Holy Spirit’s work of giving essential understanding to knowledge (Proverbs 1:20, 23; 1 Corinthians 2:6-16). Biblical wisdom and its resulting discernment lead those who are in Christ to seek out a loving and mature “trainer”—a true friend—in godly wisdom who faithfully and personally works out in wisdom’s “gym” (1 Timothy 4:8).”3Daniel R. Berger II, Discipling a Fool’s Heart: The Discipline of Wise Parenting, Education, Counsel, and Discipleship (Taylors, SC: Alethia International Publications, 2025), 111. Historic biblical counseling is most fundamentally a spiritual friendship, in which the all-sufficient Word of God is used to bring the hope and help to the one in need.
While there is much more that can be said, it is clear from just a few passages that counseling is a task given to the local church, and God has provided us with all the tools and resources we need to accomplish this task.
Common Heart Issues for those who Resist Church-Based Counseling
For the person who is resisting meeting with someone in their church, there are several heart issues that are likely fueling the pushback. First, a common reason for resisting counseling in the local church is a high view of self and their ability to change apart from God’s means of sanctification. Much of the psychological world teaches that you have the power and ability to change from within yourself. There is little to no instruction of correction given during the sessions. The therapist aims to get the client to discover the answers and solutions to their problems on their own time and in their own way. The heart of pride blinds one from seeing that every change that needs to take place is only possible through the help of the Holy Spirit. We live in a very psychologized world. We have been told for decades that all our problems can be solved by the new advancements in science and evidence-based therapies. Yet, even with the ever-increasing advances in therapies, more and more people are being diagnosed with mental disorders.
A second reason for pushback, is the heart’s desire to remain in sin, to keep worshipping our idols while still trying to worship God (Matthew 6:24). We may be very aware that we are not okay and see the need to talk with someone. Yet, to try and retain some of our idols, we only want to talk with someone on our own terms. It feels good to talk through our feelings, thoughts, and emotions without someone telling us what to do about it. Oftentimes, we are resistant to counseling in the local church, especially with someone who already knows us, because we do not want our hearts and sins exposed (Hebrews 4:12). Let us not forget, however, that God will not be mocked and our sins will one day be exposed (Galatians 6:7).
God, speaking through the prophet Jeremiah, says, “For my people have done two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, to hew for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water” (2:13). When we seek counseling outside of the local church, we are forsaking God by seeking false, man-made wisdom. God has graciously provided us with all we need, regardless of what we may be struggling with. Oh, may we trust in Him and run to Him, rather than to broken cisterns.
