How can a Christ follower counsel and not grow weary?
When I began as a biblical counselor, a friend warned me that I would be weary after each counseling session. This friend had over a decade’s worth of experience as a patient of secular therapy sessions. As a biblical counselor, I am often asked the question, “Do you get tired after listening to a counseling session?” With a smile, I still answer, “No.” Counseling others with the help of God’s Word does not make me weary. Sometimes I wonder if it ever will. I suppose this experience has something to do with perspective. My primary goals in counseling are to teach others to worship God with their lives, to help them see what God’s Word says about their troubles, and to help them apply Scripture to their life in practical ways. I will help my counselees to understand how to do that, but ultimately my aim is not to be “so and so’s counselor.” Rather, I want them to mature in their Christian walk by relying on the Wonderful Counselor, reading the Bible, connecting with their church community, and practicing prayer in times of trouble. Whatever counsel I give should have none of me and all of Jesus. I tell my counselees, “I don’t want you coming to see what I will say, I want you to be expectant of what God says in His Word.” Dependency on the Lord drives away weariness in counseling.
What do I do with the troubles that others share?
It might seem loving to want to feel the full weight of another’s troubles. The apostle Paul tells us to carry each other’s burdens, right? (Galatians 6:2) Does that mean I should be feeling all the same emotions the person in front of me feels? Not necessarily. Compassion and sympathy have their place, but a Christ-follower’s ultimate aim is not to focus on those troubles and emotions. After all, Jesus said, “In this world, you will have trouble”, but then he continues, “Take heart, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). The idea here is that Jesus is acknowledging that life has trouble. But in, around, and through that trouble, Jesus has overcome it on our behalf. Let that sink in. In trouble, Jesus is still in control. God is still sovereign over all things. As a counselor, you can acknowledge people’s troubles, and then give them hope. This hope is everlasting because Jesus has overcome the world and all the troubles in it. Biblical hope communicates that Jesus is near, He understands, He loves us the same yesterday and today, and He is in control. When we counsel others, remember we acknowledge and explain their trouble is ultimately the effect of sin either from them or sin happening to them from others because we are a fallen world. As counselors, we don’t stay in their troubles, but we point to the hope that Jesus has overcome theirs and how one day, they will experience full relief too. If I want my counselee to focus on hope, that also means that as a counselor I need to focus my teaching on the eternal hope of God’s control over all things. This gives me peace and comfort as a counselor. I can then take the counselee’s troubles in weekly prayer, placing them on the throne of Jesus, who is in control of it all. Then I wait and see how God answers those prayers.
How do we have hope in the waiting for change?
When we wait for something good, we anticipate it with hope. Think about how we apply this in life; an upcoming vacation, a new job, a musical performance, or a sporting event. How much more should we anticipate hope that God, who is sovereign and cares for His people, has good plans for that counselee? If we are going to teach others to have hope in their trouble, we need to first show them our hope that God is doing something good.
First, let’s address believing that God has good purposes for your counselee. Good might not always look how we want it to look. Does that mean God is not faithful? No. This means that in hardship, even if the trouble is unceasing, God is working His will which is better than ours. One aspect of God’s will that I rely on in counseling is that He will continue to sanctify a Christian (1 Thessalonians 5:23). So even if the pain doesn’t cease, we will focus on the holiness of the counselee, which is for their good. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Regarding counselees who are not Christ-followers, experiencing pain and hardship, the good for them is to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ through their counseling sessions. The good news is that Christ has overcome the world. They need to hear this. As their counselor, pray that God will use you to show them they do not have to live under a yoke of slavery from sin (Galatians 5:1), but can learn from Jesus and have rest by taking on His yoke (Matthew 11:28-30).
How then do we practically anticipate the hope of change? I have found it helpful to always let my counselee know that I can’t fix their problem, but I know the God who can. In sessions, we work to place full reliance and trust in God by opening God’s Word and reading the very breath of God. The Word, which is useful for teaching, correcting, rebuking, and training in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16), will always be hope-filled because it is true and reliable. When counseling through God’s Word, look for promises that God has for his people, and recognize attributes of God. Teach that God’s will is better than any plan we could have when it involves our good and looking more like Him in our sanctification.
Conclusion
As a counselor, continue to be faithful to God and the ministry that He has given you by ministering the Word and being prayerful for your counselee during the week. Week after week, as you meet with your counselee, participate in the joy that God is doing something good. It is a privilege to watch the transformation of a counselee right in front of you and then remind them of how you have seen them change throughout the weeks.
Who is the Wonderful Counselor? It is Christ. So, place any concerns for your counseling sessions on Him. Don’t grow weary of doing good because He will be the one to ultimately change the heart and behaviors of the counselee and He will remain faithful to complete the work of sanctification in them. Let us strive to not give of ourselves in counseling in a way that depletes us, but rather gives more of who God is, which is far better than anything we can come up with.