Have you ever felt so broken by life that you don’t even know what to say to God? If we are honest, we have likely all felt this way. But the good news is that the Bible provides instruction for how we can address this pain in a way that not only honors God but steers our hearts toward Him! We do this through godly lament. This form of prayer seems to be one that we often don’t consider and yet is evident in Scripture.
Mark Vroegop provides a simple and clear definition of lament. He defines it as, “a prayer in pain that leads to trust.”1Mark Vroegop, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament (Wheaton: Crossway, 2019), 28. Do you ever pray like this? Personally, I sometimes find this the most difficult prayer to pray. Not because I am hurting, but because it somehow doesn’t feel right for me to voice my anguish to God. If you are like me, you may fear that such prayer crosses some kind of line.
These thoughts, however, are contrary to what we see in Scripture. The Bible is full of prayers of lament. All throughout the book of Job, Job is questioning what is happening to him. As Job prays, he asks God why all these terrible things are occurring and questions why he ever lived in the first place if life would be filled with so much loss (Job 3:11). Interestingly, one third of the Psalms are prayers of lament and there is literally an entire book of the Bible called Lamentations describing their anguish and “loud cries” to God.
God is our loving and compassionate father. As such, God genuinely cares for us and desires for us to pour our hearts out in prayer. When we do this, our heart is able to turn toward God in the midst of loss, hurt, and confusion. God never asks us to go through life as stoic warriors, in fact, Jesus was anything but stoic in his earthly ministry. In his humanity, Jesus frequently displays emotions and even prays to God in distress.
In the garden of Gethsemane, the Gospel of Luke tells us that Jesus prays to God in anguish to the point of sweating blood (Luke 22:44). Sweating blood has only been recorded a few times in history, and it is a rare condition whereby an individual sweats blood from their skin without any cut or injury.2Debra Jailman, What is Hematidrosis?, WebMD, January 26, 2022, https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/hematidrosis-hematohidrosis Prior to raising Lazarus from the dead, Jesus stops to weep for his friend (John 11:34-36). The point to be made here is that Jesus, God incarnate, expressed and displayed emotions in a way that honored God. He didn’t go through life stoically, and we don’t have to either.
We are actually commanded to pour our hearts out to God (Psalm 62:8) and are admonished to cast our anxieties on Him (1 Peter 5:7). Has there ever been a season in your life where you have done this? For my family, such a season occurred following back-to-back miscarriages. My wife and I were excited to grow our family but were brokenhearted over our loss. Additionally, I suffered an injury at work that required surgery and could cause infertility. As a couple, we felt lost. We cried out to God asking how this could happen and wanted to know what God’s plan was. And God used this season to grow us closer to each other and closer to Him. Our prayers helped us focus our attention on God, who is our comfort and refuge when all of our “why’s” abound.
At this point, you may be thinking that prayers of lament sound a lot like simply complaining to God. In many ways, you are right! There is an important distinction, however, between complaining and lamenting. Complaining, or grumbling in our heart, is centered around unmet expectations or desires that we feel entitled to. Our frustration turns to unbelief that God is good and wise, and we selfishly crave what we want instead of trusting in what God says we need. In contrast, biblical lament is expressed in sorrow that is wrapped in faith. It acknowledges God’s sovereignty, wisdom, and goodness, while recognizing the troubles of life and the pain we are experiencing. The question then is how do we “lament” in a God honoring way? After all, didn’t God become angry with Israel for complaining in the wilderness? We see that He clearly did in Numbers 11. To help us answer this question, let’s compare Numbers 11 with Psalm 10.
In Numbers 11, the Israelites complain “in the hearing of God” (v. 1). Notice, they aren’t crying out to God, this grumbling seems to be taking place in their conversations with each other. God’s people are essentially pouting or throwing a tantrum. In response, we read that God is angry and consumes part of the camp until Moses prays a prayer of intercession to the Lord (v. 1-2). In the same chapter, the Israelites start complaining about the food they are eating, and the way God is providing for them. Once again, God’s anger burns against them until Moses intercedes on their behalf (v. 10-15).
There is a very important take away from this illustration. The Israelites are not lamenting to God, they are complaining about God. They are expressing sinful dissatisfaction over the way God is choosing to provide and care for them. They think they deserve better from God and that He has failed them in some way. In many ways, they seem to be trying to flip the tables and judge God rather than humbly submitting to God’s judgement and wisdom. Their attention is focused on themselves and their perceived misfortune.
Let’s contrast this with Psalm 10. David begins this Psalm by saying, “Why, O Lord, do you stand far away?” (v. 1). Stop and consider the immediate difference between verse one of Psalm 10 and Numbers 11. The Israelites were complaining to each other and were focused on themselves. David opens by focusing his heart on God. In his distress, he is lamenting to God, not about God. David continues to cry to God about the wicked and how they seem to prosper. He questions why God is allowing this to happen and calls on God to do something (v. 12-15). There is no question that David is lamenting to God.
Unlike in Numbers 11, however, there seems to be no negative response from God. Instead, the Psalm ends with an incredibly important difference. David’s closing words are to praise God and to recognize His sovereignty. Even though David doesn’t understand what God is doing, he believes that God will ultimately be the justifier to those that are oppressed (v. 16-18). This is absolutely vital for us to grasp.
Prayers of lament are a beautiful gift of grace. When we pray in this way, we begin by directing our hearts toward heaven, to the God who hears and cares for us. As we do this in humility, God allows us to voice our frustration or vexation to him. We see this repeatedly in Psalms as the writers ask why God is allowing something to happen. In each case, however, the prayers always end with recognizing and reaffirming God’s sovereignty, wisdom, and care. They are never complaining about God or calling His divine attributes into question. In stark contrast, they always cry to God resulting in an increase of trust in God. They are expressing their cares, burdens, grief, and sorrow to a God who is all-knowing, all-powerful, good, and wise. This is how we pray in lament and as we do, we can grow towards Christ as we attune our hearts to him.
Other resources on grief and lament:
Truth in Love 493 Suffering and Grief
When Tragedy Strikes by Margarett Glass
A Model for Lament and Dealing with Depression, a conference message by Ernie Baker
