IBCD is a regional counseling training center. While our primary purpose is to equip church leaders to disciple and counsel, we also offer counseling1The main reason that we counsel is so that our trainees can observe live counseling. We also welcome the opportunity to come alongside of local church leaders to address their difficult cases.for professing Christians in our area.
One of the major challenges we face is that many of our counselees are not well connected to a local church. Some are irregular in their church attendance. Others have not made the step to commit themselves as members of a local church. Still others are involved with a church which does not counsel (shepherd) its members. We have found in most of these cases that counselees could be helped significantly if they were properly cared for within the context of a healthy local church.
1. We Require Our Counselees to Attend Church (Ideally, Their Own)
Some counselees claim to have a personal relationship with God, but they have not been taught to appreciate how God blesses his people through the local church. He has instituted the church as the means by which they can be cared for spiritually. This is why Scripture teaches that we should not forsake assembling together with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). In addition to requiring that our counselees attend church, we often give them homework to take notes during the sermon (i.e., write down three ways that God spoke to you through His Word in today’s message). This helps them to develop a habit of listening well to the proclamation of God’s Word. It also indicates what is being taught in their local church. Some counselees are willing to come to their sessions for individual attention, but they are not faithful in attending church. Such an attitude must be confronted. I recently told a counselee that I could not see him again until he had attended church.
2. We Help Our Counselees to Commit to a Particular Local Church
We often have counselees who have not joined or become involved in church beyond weekly attendance at one service. We also encounter people who are intermittently attending two or three churches without being committed to any one in particular. Scripture teaches that we each need to be committed to a particular local church whose leaders will care for our souls (Hebrews 13:17). A major agenda point in our counseling is to encourage a non-member to join and to deepen their commitment to the local church. Counselees who haven’t established a committed relationship with their local church often remain dependent upon the counselor. Under such circumstances it can become almost impossible for them to graduate from counseling.
3. We Send Our Unchurched Counselees to Solid Churches in Our Area (But Not Necessarily our Church)
When we encounter counselees who are not committed to a local church we work with them to find a suitable assembly. We have a list of recommended churches in our region in which the gospel is central, the Word of God is faithfully proclaimed and the shepherds care for the sheep. We also have a booklet, “Help! I Need a Church”, which explains why every believer needs to be a committed member of a local church and lays out biblical criteria (as opposed to secondary preferences) for choosing a local church.
Many of our most successful cases occur when people from the church (i.e., leaders or a mentor couple) come with the counselees and participate in every session. Where this is not possible we seek to have contact with church leadership throughout the case or at least involve them in the last session or two so that a handoff of responsibility can take place. One issue that we often face is that some counselees seek counsel outside of their church because they don’t want their local church to know about their problems. When we become aware of this we seek to understand why. Sometimes the counselees don’t understand the role their church leaders are to have in caring for them (1 Peter 5:1ff). In other cases there has been a loss of trust between the member and the leaders which becomes an issue that needs to be addressed in addition to the presenting problems.
5. We Seek to Show Respect to Other Churches by Not Stealing Their Sheep
When a counselee is a member of another evangelical church we do not ask or encourage them to attend our church. Instead, our goal is that they would build a stronger relationship with their own local church so that they can be cared for by their own leadership. Also, we want other churches in our area to see our ministry as a resource to help them learn how to care for their own sheep, not as a threat which might siphon away their members. On the other hand, when counselees believe that their church is failing to fulfill its responsibilities, our first priority is restoration. We may work with the counselee to humbly and biblically make an appeal to the leadership. We also may offer to assist the church leaders. For example, some leadership boards have never practiced biblical church discipline and are grateful for someone with experience who will walk them through the process.
6. We Cautiously Help Counselees Work Through the Possibility of Changing Churches
When we have counselees who are attending churches which are in serious error we seek to help them to recognize the error from Scripture and then draw their own conclusion that they need to look elsewhere. Sometimes over the course of our sessions a counselee will realize that their church leaders are seriously deficient in fulfilling their responsibilities to feed, shepherd and discipline the flock and will draw the conclusion that they need to find a new church which is more faithful to God’s Word. My mini-book, “Help! I Need a Church” in addition to laying out the criteria for choosing a church also addresses the issue of when it is right to leave a local church.
7. We Seek to Work with Area Churches by Offering to Equip Their Leaders to Counsel
Our goal is not to counsel everyone else’s sheep. Instead, our mission is to equip church leaders to care for their own sheep. We do this through conferences, live observation, and our Care and Discipleship Curriculum. Recently we met with a couple in whose lives God’s Word had worked mightily over a period of months. In the final session, one of their church leaders asked us, “What did you do for them that we didn’t do?” Our answer was that while ultimately it was the Spirit of God working through His Word, we would be thrilled to have the privilege of equipping them to better help people with gospel-centered biblical counseling.
8. We Make our Local Church a Priority
A counseling center can be a huge drain on a local church both in terms of money and manpower. While we do our best to care for our counselees, our first calling is to shepherd the sheep in our own local church. In practical terms this means that each of us can only give so much time to the ministry of the counseling center. Each of us counsels for a limited number of hours per week and we limit our interaction with counselees outside of their appointments. Because there is a great deal of demand for biblical counseling in our community we often have an extensive waiting list (and often experience pressure from those who urgently want help). It is hard to make people wait. On the other hand, we are always available to members of our local church when they need pastoral care.