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Helping Women Walk in the Light of Redeemed Sexuality

How do we help our counselees to be transformed in the renewing of their mind on the topic of sexuality?

Dec 22, 2022

Much counseling is dedicated to identifying falsehoods that women believe to be true but are actually contradictory to the Bible concerning sex. Some women have been taught unbiblical ways of thinking about sex—even from a young age—while others received no instruction at all. Others have had negative experiences that have tainted their thoughts about sex. Due to the guilt and shame of sexual immorality, many struggle to formulate their beliefs and attitudes about sex. And we all have fallen prey at some point to Satan’s deceitful attempts to blind women to God’s Truth about their sexuality, binding us to a flawed understanding. 

Some Common Lies That Women Believe about Sexuality

I am not supposed to talk about it, or I can’t talk about it. 
I can’t be forgiven for my sexual immorality. 
My sexual promiscuity before marriage has ruined my chances of enjoying a sexual relationship with my husband.   
I am responsible for my husband’s sexual immoral failure. 
Men want and need sex more than women. Men are the only ones who enjoy sex. 
Sexual addiction is a man’s problem, so something must be wrong with me if I struggle in this area. 
I am a victim of sexual abuse/incest/rape and therefore, permanently damaged. 
Sex is a great weapon to get what you want. 
I must not be truly repentant or even saved if I continue to give in to temptation. 

As counselors, we are to help women identify and expose the lies that they have believed as truth and bring those lies out of the darkness and into the light of Scripture (2 Corinthians 10: 3-5). No matter the particular struggles in the area of sex—abuse, pornography, same-sex desires, adultery, incest, dissatisfaction in marriage, rape, lust, masturbation, poor body image, inhibitions, growing up in a legalistic environment—it is important to gather data regarding the influence that has established a wrong belief. 

Ask your counselee about her childhood, her first experience with sexuality, and what she was taught. Where did her information about sex come from? Is there past immorality, abuse, or promiscuity? What was taught in church (if she attended) about sex? Does she struggle with temptations? What types of entertainment is she involved in? Does she struggle with her appearance, and are there hindrances from enjoying a healthy sex life with her husband (if she is married)? Do she and her husband have differing thoughts on what healthy sex should be? Her answers should give you a glimpse into her thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. The counselor needs to be careful not to make assumptions based on personal or counseling experiences. Every woman’s story is different and must be unveiled with gentleness and compassion. 

In 1 John 1:5-10, God is described as Light, revealing His holiness while exposing man’s sinfulness (v. 5). Christians cannot claim to be in close communion with God while walking in darkness (v. 6). God knew His children would be tempted to masquerade as pious Christians while immersed in sinful practices. In John’s boldness, he calls such saints liars, deepening the need for repentance. Although walking in darkness breaks our fellowship with God, we are not cast out from God’s family. It is the blood of Jesus Christ that cleanses us from all our past, present, and future sins. Our salvation is secure, but our close, intimate communion with our Lord and Savior has been broken (v. 7).  

Guarding against self-deception, John wanted to make sure we understand that believers cannot be sinless on this side of heaven (v. 8). In light of this information, we must be willing to acknowledge our sin that is exposed by the Light. When we confess, God is faithful and just to forgive our sins. John stresses the importance of a believer’s confession of his sins once confronted by God’s truth rather than denying the sin and making God out to be a liar. A contradiction of God’s Word is ultimately a rejection of it (v. 10). 

Many women can read Scripture and allow it to touch every area of their life except for their view on sex. It is so important, especially as this world continues to define moral depravity as “good,” to view sex from God’s perspective. Help your counselee consider her beliefs, attitudes, experiences, and personal trials and circumstances by holding them under the light of Scripture.  

These Are Some Simple Truths to Start:

God created male and female after His image – Genesis 1:26-27 
Marriage between one man and one woman is a one flesh relationship and reflects the union between Christ and the Church – Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31-32 
Feelings are deceitful and cannot be trusted – Jeremiah 17:9 
Sex outside of marriage is sin – Proverbs 5:15-19; Matthew 5: 27-28; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Hebrews 13:4 
Sex with my husband should be regular and mutually enjoyed – 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 
You are only responsible for your choices, not the choices of others – Romans 14:12; 2 Corinthians 5:10 
God will continue to forgive a repentant heart – Psalms 103: 8-13; Luke 17:1-4 
You are not alone, and you do not have to suffer in silence – 1 Corinthians 10:13; James 5:16 
Your sexual past and present temptations do not define you – 1 Corinthians 6:9-12; 2 Corinthians 5:17 
Your hope and healing come from Christ your Redeemer – Psalms 124:8; 146:5; Isaiah  

Help the counselee examine her thoughts in light of God’s character and Word. Due to negative experiences, the counselee may view God as bad, unloving, and unjust. If your counselee is bound by guilt and shame in relation to sexual issues, she may be deceived into thinking that God cannot fully forgive her or that she is now disqualified to be used by God. The consequences are so great that a woman’s mind will forever be filled with thoughts of guilt, regret, and shame. Some go so far to believe that God is taking good things from them as punishment, while others inflict self-punishment and deem themselves unworthy of God’s love and grace. 

Women have been living far too long in the darkness of their minds when it comes to sex and their sexuality. Help your counselee identify ways she may have been conforming to the world’s ideas and philosophies concerning her view on sex, and then begin to put away those lies and be transformed in the renewing of her mind by God’s Word and His love for her (Romans 12:2). His desire remains the same for us as it was in the beginning—to glorify Him by enjoying His design for marriage.