It’s late. I should have been asleep by now, but my mind is racing. My heart feels broken over what I heard in the counseling room today. As I try to process my emotions, I cry out to God for help. I want to provide just the right words, and the precise counsel needed to heal the brokenness I saw. My wife rolls over to ask me what is wrong, and we talk briefly. Even though I can’t share the details of what I know, she can tell my heart is hurting for those affected by the ravages of sin. She gently reminds me that my job as a counselor isn’t to carry someone else’s burden. My responsibility is to point them to the cross of Christ, where all our burdens are laid down, and we find rest in His grace.
If you are at all like me, you have had nights like this. The reality is that the empathy and love we feel for people hurting from sin is the very reason many of us became counselors. It is a God given strength that helps us enter a hurting person’s world to administer loving gospel care. A wise mentor recently reminded me that sometimes our strengths can become a double weakness when they cause us to lose sight of Christ. So how do we overcome this? How do we as counselors continually fix our own eyes on Christ as we also seek to help others do the same?
Give It to Christ
Many of us have likely used Matthew 11:28-30 to encourage our counselees to look to Christ amid their struggles. These verses wash over a weary soul like a spring of cool water refreshing the heart. Sometimes as counselors though, we forget to dive into the beauty of this text for ourselves. How beautiful it is to pause and remember that these verses are for us too. As we grow weary and feel heavily laden in our labor, remember we aren’t meant to carry that ourselves. We are meant to give it to Christ even as we admonish others to do the same.
There is a clear irony in this. We often become so focused on the needs and burdens of others that we forget that we are just as needy. That our own burdens are too heavy for us to bear, let alone the burdens of others. Sometimes assisting others to find hope in the gospel distracts us from our need for rest in the grace of Christ. In these moments, it is so helpful to meditate on the truth of these verses. To remember that we aren’t responsible for carrying these burdens, because we have a Savior who bore them already.
Remember Our High Priest
As counselors, sometimes we may feel like we are the only ones who see the hurt and pain taking place in a person’s life. We meet behind closed doors where people show us their hearts and their true emotions. Once they leave, to the rest of the world, everything likely seems fine. This can make it feel like we are their only advocates, that we must fight or no one else will. While we are gospel bound to be there for those in need (Matthew 25:34-40), this line of thinking does great disservice to our true advocate and High Priest, Jesus Christ.
Hebrews 4:14-16 reminds us of this glorious truth when it says, “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
These verses offer incredible hope for us as believers, but also as counselors. When we counsel other Christians, we both have this truth to cling to. Jesus sees them. He knows of their struggle and can sympathize with them in a way that we can’t. Not only can he sympathize with them, but Jesus also knows what it is like to be in their position, to be literally broken by the ravages of this world’s sin. Who better for us to look to than our gracious High Priest? As we do, verse 16 reminds us that we find the grace we need to help in time of need, for both counselor and counselee.
Trust the Holy Spirit
Sometimes it feels that we don’t even have the words to say, or that we are insufficient to answer our counselees’ questions or to give them the hope they need. The truth is we are, but this is a gracious thing because it forces us to stop looking to ourselves and instead trust in the Holy Spirit. Jesus encouraged his disciples in Mark 13:11 not to be anxious over what they would say when questioned because the Holy Spirit would give them the words they needed. While this reassurance was offered in the context of spreading the gospel, it still applies today in the counseling room.
As counselors, we shouldn’t grow anxious over providing the exact right counsel, because our counsel shouldn’t come from us. Our counsel should come from God’s Word alone. The beauty is, we are aided by the perfect Helper in discovering what that truth is. In John 16:13, Jesus reminds his followers that the Holy Spirit will guide them in truth. As we counsel, we have the privilege of prayerfully diving into God’s Word, asking the Holy Spirit to illuminate what counsel He would have us give to our counselees. While we may not get it perfect, we can rest in the fact that God is sovereign and in His perfect plan He has allowed us to be serving this person sitting in front of us.
What I find to be deeply encouraging is that I am not the perfect helper. It doesn’t ultimately rely on me. My words can’t heal the brokenness my heart is grieving over, but we know the great Physician. We know the Comforter and the mighty Helper. And because we know Him, we can trust that He has the power to help our counselee (Ephesians 3:20-21).
Do Not Lose Heart
Friends, do not lose heart. When your heart feels heavy over the burdens of those you care for, cast them at the feet of Jesus. When you feel like the rest of the world is oblivious to the need your counselee has, remember that you share a Great High Priest. When you fear that you may not have the words to say, trust in the Holy Spirit to guide you as you prayerfully dive into God’s Word. You are not alone but are dearly loved by God who provides endless grace in our times of need, and your counselees are perfectly cared for by Him who did not spare His Son for their redemption (Romans 8:31-39).