No doubt, in recent days there has been more than one shepherd’s wife wondering what she would do if she were in a situation of realizing her husband had fallen into sin leading to disqualification. Being a shepherd’s wife, I’ve come alongside wives in this very situation. It seems her world is crashing down around her, she must face the most difficult circumstance with the deepest trust in the Lord, knowing God alone will use it to conform her to Christ.
The Shepherd’s Prerequisites
The qualifications of a pastor are clear in the Word of God. 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9 outline the biblical standards for those called to shepherd God’s people. When these two passages are considered together, the necessary qualifications for a pastor are clearly lined out. A man aspiring to pastoral ministry must be above reproach, sober-minded, able to teach, a one-woman man, not given to drunkenness, and self-controlled, among other qualities. As Thomas Brooks wisely said, “A preacher’s life should be a commentary of his doctrine; his practice should be a counterpart of his sermons.”
If a church leader has an obvious, ongoing, and sinful shortcoming that is incompatible with these qualifications, he is not fit for the role of pastor. However, it is important to note that no pastor will lead perfectly. Both pastors and their congregants are sinners saved by grace. This is for the wife of someone who is indeed no longer qualified, so she may have encouragement and clarity in this trial.
The Shepherd’s Wife’s Posture
When disqualifying circumstances arise, how the shepherd’s wife’s inward response before the Lord is critical. Her attitude must model the following:
Posture of Prayer
Prayer should be a foundational aspect of a shepherd’s wife long before any problems arise. Before addressing her husband’s sin, she must first ask God to reveal any sin in her own heart. Praying for the right motives, for repentance, and for God’s glory to be upheld are crucial when such a trial arises. Jesus admonishes the disciples in Matthew 26:40-41 for their lack of prayerfulness, reminding them that the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Likewise, the pastor’s wife must remain vigilant in prayer when her life is seemingly caving in.
Posture of Purity
As a pastor’s wife, it is crucial to guard against allowing her husband’s sin to become her own. 1 Timothy 5:22 cautions against participating in the sins of others and encourages believers to remain pure. If her husband invites her to participate in sin, she must honor God above all else, through a guarded heart (Proverbs 3:5-6). Purity in thought and action must be maintained, especially in moments of great difficulty.
Posture of Humility and Gentleness
Humility is essential in confronting sin. Galatians 6:1 reminds us to restore others gently, being mindful of our own frailty. No one is immune from walking into sin, and humility allows the pastor’s wife to approach her husband objectively with gentleness, knowing she too could stumble. Ephesians 4:2 instructs us to walk in humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another in love. When the shepherd’s wife approaches her husband in this way, she mirrors Christ’s gentleness and invites an opportunity for true repentance and restoration.
Posture of Hope
Hope must be central when dealing with sin, as Romans 5:3-5 reminds us that suffering produces perseverance, character, and hope. In confronting her husband, the shepherd’s wife must remain hopeful that God will work through this difficult situation to bring about genuine repentance.
Like David’s response in Psalm 51 after his sin was confronted by Nathan, there is hope for restoration through repentance. Fear of shame or lost reputation must not overshadow the hope that God provides in moments of correction and reconciliation.
Posture of Love
1 Corinthians 13 teaches that all actions must be rooted in love. Confronting a sinning husband should be an act of love that seeks his restoration. Love does not ignore or hide sin but compels believers to address it, even when it may lead to disqualification. Love confronts sin for the good of the individual and the glory of God. Ephesians 4:15 instructs us to speak the truth in love, ensuring that any admonishment is done with the right heart and purpose.
Posture of Glorifying God
Above all, the shepherd’s wife must act for the glory of God. In 1 Corinthians 10:31, Paul urges believers to do everything for the glory of God. Whether dealing with momentary sin or continuing and disqualifying sins, the shepherd’s wife must focus on God’s glory rather than yielding to fear or compromise.
The Shepherd’s Wife’s Practice
Practice Biblical Admonition
Scripture clearly teaches believers are to admonish one another. Romans 15:14 encourages us to do so from a place of goodness and knowledge. Scripture clearly outlines the process of admonishment, which should be followed when dealing with a shepherd’s sin. When confronting sin, it is essential to communicate biblically, as instructed in Ephesians 4:25-32. We need to speak honestly to our shepherd. We need to attack the problem at hand, not the shepherd. We need to keep up to date with the situation at hand and not drag up a laundry list of unrelated sins. The goal is repentance and healing, not shame or condemnation. James 5:19-20 reminds us of the importance of turning a sinner from error, as this will save their soul from death and cover a multitude of sins. Confronting a church leader, Matthew 18:15-20 and 1 Timothy 5:19-21 emphasize the need for witnesses and careful investigation when bringing accusations against a pastor or elder. The process must be handled with great wisdom and help. Do not bear this burden on your own. God designed a plurality of elders for such protection. When appropriate, allow the elders’ wives into your suffering.
The Shepherd’s Wife’s Praise
In times of difficulty, the shepherd’s wife must remember the character of her God, the Shepherd of her soul, her Rock, and her Redeemer.
God is Good: Psalm 119:68 reminds us that God is inherently good, and His actions toward us are always for our good.
God is Sovereign: Psalm 16:2 speaks of God as both good and sovereign. Trusting in His control brings peace, even in challenging circumstances.
God is Unchanging: While life changes, Hebrews 13:8 tells us that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
God is Faithful: Lamentations 3:22-23 reminds us that God’s faithfulness never diminishes, even when we are faced with the unimaginable.
God is Trustworthy: God can be trusted in every situation, as Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to lean on Him, trusting that He will direct our paths.
God is Able: Ephesians 3:20 affirms that God can do exceedingly more than we ask or think. He is able to sustain and provide for us, even in our sorrow and suffering.
Finally, the shepherd’s wife must remember that her identity is rooted in Christ, not her shepherd’s sin. Psalm 55:22 encourages us to cast our burdens on the Lord, knowing that He will sustain us through even this trial.
By remaining focused on God’s character and promises, the shepherd’s wife can navigate even the most challenging circumstances with grace, love, and hope because God is powerful to redeem all things for His good purposes far beyond what we can think or imagine.
