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Counseling in a Sexually Broken Culture Part 2

Truth in Love 159

Dr. Heath Lambert continues discussing how to counsel in a sexually broken culture.

Jun 18, 2018

Heath Lambert: Counseling in a Sexually Broken Culture Part 2, on this edition of Truth in Love. I’m Heath Lambert and you’re listening to Truth in Love, a podcast of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors where we seek to provide biblical solutions for the problems that people face. Last week on the podcast, we let you hear part one of a talk I gave on sexual abuse to a room full of pastors in January. This week, we’re going to listen to part two in the conclusion of that talk. We’re doing this in advance of our ACBC annual conference on biblical counseling that focuses on abuse this year. It’s called Light in the Darkness: Biblical Counseling and Abuse and will happen in Fort Worth, Texas on October 1st-3rd. As we continue to think about this crucial problem of abuse, here is the second part of my talk in January on counseling in a sexually broken culture.

Heath Lambert: Pastor, you are a counselor. You might say you don’t like counseling. You might not want to do the work, but you are a counselor. And that’s why it’s so important to see that I Peter offers counseling wisdom. I Peter offers counseling wisdom. Counseling is this: counseling is a conversation between two parties where one person has questions and problems and trouble, and the other party has answers, solutions, and help. That’s what counseling is. You don’t have to go to some university someplace or some grad school someplace and get 600 hours of education. You do this every day. Every day you have conversations with somebody who has questions and problems and trouble, and they need answers and solutions and help. It’s just a question of which side of the coin you’re on. Everybody is doing this. Pastors are doing this. Those conversations where we need answers and solutions and help, we need wisdom to answer those questions to provide help in that trouble. And pastors deploy that wisdom all the time. The Bible gives us the wisdom for these conversations. If you’re a pastor, you’re not just a preacher. You’re also a counselor. When you do ministry of the Word, sometimes you do ministry of the Word to a big group of people like this, and sometimes you do ministry of the Word in a one-on-one conversation with you and just a couple others, but you’re always using the wisdom of God’s Word when you do it, or at least you ought to be. If you are one of the people who says, “I’m not going to do counseling. I’m just going to preach. I’m gonna hire somebody to do counseling. I’m gonna to send them someplace else.”, then you just need to know that you’re not like the Apostle Paul. The Apostle Paul in Acts 20:20 when he describes his ministry to the Ephesian elders, he said, “I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you publicly,”—preaching, “and from house to house.”—counseling. You want to be like the Apostle Paul? You’re going to have to figure out how to use this book to preach and you’re going to have to figure out how to use this book to counsel. I Peter is not just a book that informs our counseling, it’s a book that informs our preaching. I Peter gives a word to struggling people who are trying to make it in a world that’s not their home.

“Peter”, 1:1 says, “an apostle of Jesus Christ, to those who reside as aliens scattered throughout the world.” Peter offers a word to struggling people about how to make it in that world. Verse 2, “according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, by the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to obey Jesus Christ,” In that world where you’re an alien, he’s given you counsel. He’s given you a word of wisdom about how to make it in this world where you just don’t fit. And then, Peter offers a word to struggling people who need comfort as they try to make it in that world. Verses 3 and 4, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you,” We’ve got to have this conversation about counseling in a sexually broken culture because a sexually broken culture is the only one we’ve got, because I Peter offers counseling wisdom, and then finally we need to have this conversation because I Peter addresses counsel to sexually broken people. I Peter offers counsel to the sexual brokenness that plagues us and what I want to do in this last segment here is I want to go through those six categories, and I just want to look at a verse in Peter for each one. There’s a number of verses we could look at, but I just to look at a verse or two in I Peter from each of those categories and show you how the Bible jumps up and explodes with relevance for the sexual brokenness that’s all over the world we live in.

I Peter offers counsel to the obvious victims. Peter in his first epistle offers counsel to the obvious victims. In I Peter 4:12-13, look at that, “Beloved,” What a great beginning, “Beloved.” The obvious victim, the person who’s been raked over the coals by some jerk who thought that that body belonged to him or that body belonged to her, and when that person who feels used up and like a piece of trash the Bible comes in and says, “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.” One of the common responses of an obvious victim, somebody who’s been mistreated by a strong person, is to at some point find their voice and then get angry and respond with an assault of their own. Sometimes it’s verbal. Sometimes it’s physical. And we see the Bible telling us how to think about our response when someone has mistreated us. How to think about our response to a broken person who’s been mistreated by a strong person. And in these verses, just a few things, first of all, Peter talks about a fiery ordeal. That’s a fill in the blank. Do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal. Do not be surprised at the blank. You can fill that in with anything you want. This is one of the brilliances of the Bible. Do not be surprised at the horrible thing that happened to you. Do not be surprised at the abuse that you experienced. So, he immediately makes contact. There are horrible things that happen. It’s a fire. It’s like being burned alive. And he sets our expectations. He resets our expectations. Beloved, don’t be surprised at that horrible thing that happened to you. Don’t be surprised. He reframes our expectations to live in a world where we ought to expect trouble. It’s the same thing Jesus does. “In this world, you’ll have trouble.” (John 16:33). Then comes the comfort, “to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.” He’s saying, “Abuse victim, you who’s gone through a fiery ordeal, you’re not the only one. And you’re not the first one and you are not the worst one. When you go through that abuse that tore your life apart, you become like Christ who was torn apart for you. And you can be assured that when you identify with Him in His abuse you can also identify with Him in His glory when you see Him. And instead of being angry and bitter you can rejoice. That’s what it says, ‘to the degree that you share in the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.’” Listen, that would be offensive if Jesus hadn’t been abused for us. We can say to obvious victims, “There’s somebody who has been abused and who chose the abuse so that you could have comfort and joy and glory.”

The Apostle Peter offers counsel to the unintended victims. He offers counsel to the unintended victims. In I Peter 2:19-23, these are the people they never got targeted for mistreatment. They were never in anybody’s mind. No predator came after them, but they still got burned by sexual sin. One of the most common responses of an unintended victim is to respond with their own kind of sin. Peter talks to us about that in I Peter 2:19-23, “For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously;” We can say to unintended victims, “Depend on Christ. When your parents get divorced because of infidelity and you’re sad, depend on Christ. When you are scrolling through Twitter and you want to do a Google search when you found out something the president did, depend on Christ. ‘While being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but He kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously;’ Keep trusting Christ.” To unintended victims, we can say, “Don’t sin in response to being sinned against. Don’t do it. Don’t sin in response to being sinned against. You’re tempted to, don’t do it.” Verse 20, “‘What credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.’ Don’t respond to sin with more sin. Don’t do the Google search. Entrust yourself to Jesus and don’t sin. Don’t lash out at your parents, trust in Jesus and fight for righteousness.”

Peter offers counsel to the eventual victims. Remember the people who did what they wanted to do and afterwards they realized that sin bites back and it bites back hard. Do you know the saddest people I have ever known are victims of sexual sin? Sex has this ability, powerfully, to destroy and create the saddest people in the whole world. For these people who have chosen to commit a sexual sin, for people like me and people like you, who have chosen to commit sexual sins, whether it’s lust, or porn, or adultery, or homosexuality, or whatever it is, we’ve chosen to do it and then we feel the guilt and there is the temptation to despair and feel overwhelmed by this thing that you did. The shame feels unbearable. Peter offers counsel in 1:17-21. “If you addressed as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay on earth; knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, but with the precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ. He was foreknown before the foundation of the world, but has appeared in these last times for the sake of you who though Him are believers in God, who raised Him from the dead and gave Him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God.” Peter’s very honest, he doesn’t go easy on you at first, if you’ve been a victim of your own sin, he doesn’t give you a get-out-of-jail-free card. He tells you the truth. He calls your ways futile, worthless, pointless. Verse 18: you weren’t redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile ways. He’s honest. That junk you did, that sin you committed, it’s futile, it’s worthless, it wasted your time, it threatened to waste your life. He tells you the truth, but then comes the hope. He says that you were redeemed with the precious blood, the blood of Christ. You talk to people, and they feel that if we spend too much time on this forgiveness stuff in the Christian faith it’s going to be a license to sin. Not if you understand where the forgiveness comes from. Not when you understand that this is the precious blood of Jesus. When you realize that this precious blood of Jesus was for you in these last times, look at verse 20, for the sake of you He spilt his blood. Your ways were futile, but Jesus Christ loved you and He spilt His blood for you. And now you don’t have to despair, you can have hope and glory because of what Jesus has done for you.

Peter gives counsel to the ignored victims. The ignored victims, the folks that were the perpetrators and now feel guilt, now are overwhelmed with condemnation. I Peter 3:18 speaks to them, “Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit;” I don’t have any idea who I’m talking to, but if you are an ignored victim, if you are a perpetrator who’s hurt someone weaker than you, the blood of Jesus Christ is just as available to you as it is to anybody else. You are no more unjust before God than anybody else and the good news is that you can be brought to God. There’s nothing you can do with your fist. There’s no sexual sin you can commit with your body that can block you from God when the blood of Jesus is sprinkled over you. That’s the gospel. That’s not accommodating abuse for anything in the whole world. That is Jesus saves. Jesus saves.

I Peter offers counsel to the subtle victims. Folks who are maybe in a distant marriage relationship because sex isn’t working the way it ought to work. I Peter 5:6-7 say, “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” You feel distant in your relationship with your wife because she’s not as generous sexually as you’d like her to be. You feel distant in your relationship with your husband because he’s not as attentive in your relationship as you’d like him to be. Well, there’s all kinds of things that we need to say about that and those are other verses in I Peter, but the message here is trust the mighty, sovereign hand of God and trust the tender care of God. He’s got you. There’s no distance between you and your spouse that God can’t close with His tender care and His mighty hand. Trust the Lord.

And then finally I Peter offers counsel to the eternal victims. Those who are on a path to never repent, those who wantonly, recklessly pursue their sin in an unrepentant way. I Peter 4:3-5 says, “The time already passed is sufficient for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having pursued a course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries. In all this, they are surprised that you do not run with them into the same excesses of dissipation, and they malign you; but they will give account to Him who’s ready to judge the living and the dead.” Even with folks who are stiffening their neck, hardening their heart, and focusing all their attention on their sin, it’s a gracious thing to say, “Don’t go to judgment. Don’t close your eyes in death and open them in eternity to the horrible sight of a Judge who will pass an endless verdict on you. Turn. Turn away from that and believe in Jesus Christ.” In fact, that’s kind of the point. One of the things that you notice as we looked at each one of these texts and about each one of these victims is they all, every one of them, relate to Jesus Christ. There’s more to say about all these kinds of victims. There’s more to say about all these texts. But what I want you to see tonight is that I Peter shows us that God reframes and reorganizes the brokenness of our culture. And nobody knows it but us. Our culture is broken, and Christ is the One who restores it. So, we’ve got to go, not just as preachers of Christ, but as those who counsel Christ.


To read ACBC’s Statement on Abuse and Biblical Counseling visit our Committed to Care website.